A New Blog for Moms

Hey, I found a new blog that is just awesome. The first post I read was so similar to the way we think at our house that I was instantly interested. It's called Hands Free Mama and she expresses herself so well. Hop on over and check it out if you're still in Mommy boot camp !

http://www.handsfreemama.com/

~Blessings~
Lisa

Do-Si-Do!

We spent the evening tonight at a big square dance. Yes, my family square dances!!  I do not because of the medical mumbo-jumbo, but most everyone else in the family has or does. It's cool!

 The square dance community is a wonderful, all American group of folks. You know, like apple pie, Old Glory, and baseball. We began because our daughter Mary, then 10, wanted to dance after seeing the local group perform at our county fair. They pulled her up on stage and included her and she was instantly enamoured.

We knew the evening during her first class that we had run into something very special, much like the America of yesterday.

The square dance hall, built by the square dancers, is a simple, wooden building much like a cabin, with a beautiful dance floor and little kitchen. It feels like home. It's out in the country and the drive out there is so relaxing and lovely, we really enjoy it. On a warm summer evening, headed out to the hall with windows open and Alan Jackson blaring from the CD player......pure awesomeness!

Here we are eight years later and the folks there are like family to us. They have held benefit dances, auctions, even a pie auction (yum) for our family's medical expenses!  They send us cards while we are in ICU in NYC, they leave messages on our Caring Bridge site and one couple has adopted us financially to get us through the kids' many surgeries. We couldn't have done it without them. Our children have many "grandparents"! They are family to us, they mean a great deal to us. We are blessed.

There is a wide age range in square dancing. From one gentleman who's 95 down to 8 yr olds who dance away with the grown ups. One of our sons was only 9 when he started and now is taller than most of the folks there. Our sons play cards with older gentleman and tease the older gals. It has been a great opportunity for our children to learn the value of older folks.  One Saturday evening our 3 older boys, teens at the time, were standing visiting with one of the very old guys at the hall. A bit later he walked up to me and Ed with tears in his eyes and said, " I wanted to tell you what great boys you have, I can't believe they wanted to stand here and listen to me".   He had been telling them about Normandy....like the storming of the beach at Normandy....because he was there!!! This man's stories were so compelling to our sons, and they were truly interested in what he had to say. They knew he sacrificed much. 

One of the things we all enjoy is the food! Homemade, yummy, never ending food! Root Beer floats, brownies, pies, you name it someone brings it.

Mary's Trifle...Yum!

People.  Relationships.  Caring.  Listening.  Dancing.  Helping.  Eating.  Sharing.  Laughing. Teasing.  Playing.  
This is square dancing.

If you're in need of exercise, entertainment, good music, awesome food and life long friendships look for a square dance club near you!!  (Dancing is much easier than you might imagine and you don't have to wear a skirt and petticoat!)

~Blessings~
Lisa

Our Favorite Granola

Easily 20 years ago my friend Mary gave me her granola recipe. It is the only granola my kids both young and old will eat. I thought I'd share it with you because it's so easy and yummy.

8 c. oatmeal  480g carbs

1c.  wheatgerm (toasted) 48g

1c.  sunflower seeds  28g

1c.  sugar (198g) or Splenda

2 Tbls. cinnamon  12g

1c. vegetable or coconut oil

3/4 c. honey  210g

*In a large mixing bowl, mix the 5 above dry ingredients.

*In a saucepan mix the oil and honey and heat until boiling and you see a foam.

*Remove oil/honey from heat and pour over dry mixture and mix thoroughly until all the oats look damp.

*Pour into 2 large cookie sheets and bake at 325 for 13 minutes then turn granola over and put back in an additional 13 minutes.

*Let cool then place in airtight container.

*add raisins, nuts, dried cranberries anything you like

1c. = 35g carbs

An Army WIfe

This is a re-post. On this Memorial Day my friend is still in her race as a military wife but now she is in the middle of her husband's FIFTH deployment.  She is still running in marathons , still supporting the soldiers and their families and still fighting for Jeremy and his service dog. Please get a cup of coffee and read about my lovely friend and her family who have lost many soldiers and in their wonderful way support the dependents left behind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On this Memorial Day morning I awoke at 4 AM from medical mumbo going on and finally gave up sleeping and turned on the computer to Facebook. The first post I saw was from my friend who is the organizer for a run in her hometown of Yelm, WA, called Wear Blue Run to Remember. It honors those soldiers fallen in defense of our country. It's held today on Memorial Day and she was up at 3:45 AM preparing.

She has been running all week for the fallen soldiers she and her husband were honored to know and love and for those they never knew. That's the military life. They stick together to remember.

Wear Blue To Remember 2014

The friend above I have known for many years. She's an Army Wife. I capitalize that because I consider it a title. A title difficult to possess. She would not agree. She would say it was her choice, her honor, her duty and her Call from God.

This is what is on her blog.....

Lord grant me the greatness of heart to see,
The difference in duty and his love for me.Give me the understanding to know,
That when duty calls he must go.Give me a task to do each day,
To fill the time when he is away.And Lord, when duty is in the field,
Please protect him and be his shield

When I met Amanda she was our new next door neighbor with 4 little boys and a handsome, tall, quiet, soldier husband, Paul. We became fast friends being Moms of many boys, Christians and both deeply committed to family life. The kids played, we visited, had coffee and we shared the bond that we had, big families and children with serious medical issues.

Then came 911.
Then Paul was deployed to Iraq on the front lines with a Stryker unit. Deep breath. We watched how the family prepared. How they had to get their affairs in order just in case.....  My husband shook Paul's hand the night before he deployed and told him we would watch over his family. We shared a tiny part of their sacrifice. 

That year was so stinkin' hard on them. She was amazing, the kids missed their Daddy terribly but their lives went on. Amanda took on things I am sure she never thought she could. She endured. Sitting nights making a beautiful scrap book for Paul and not sleeping.  She waited for the knock, knock, knock sound on her computer to tell her Paul was online and therefore alive.  She took care of and schooled 4 little boys alone. She kept house, paid bills, made meals, went to church....
 and endured some more.

I am not an army gal but have grown up around the military all my life having been born in a town with a large army base, Fort Ord, then moving to another state and town with another base, Joint Base Lewis McChord. I have always loved military families but not living on the inside, cannot ever understand their unique lives.

I'm writing because I admire the transformation of my friend from a young, green Army wife to a warrior. Yes, her husband, after now 5 deployments...yes FIVE of a year or more since the war began, is definitely a warrior but she too shares that title. Through those 5 deployments and the joy and difficulty of him coming home, she is now someone who has run the family support groups, been in charge of home coming celebrations, funerals and supported other wives during their grief over losing their husbands and much more. She embraced this military life and gives back.

Amanda has grown into a rock for other wives and families. She knows the ropes and shares the way. She mentors and hopes the young wives will "get it" and learn to be strong through their fear and worry and sometimes grief.

I think of her often when I see anything patriotic. Our family has prayed a bazillion prayers for their family while Paul was deployed. I have just random thoughts from a non-military brain that don't fit into paragraphs......

* How on earth do you say goodbye and watch your spouse leave for a war zone?


*How do you tell the kids he's going AGAIN?
 

* How do you deal with your children's fears and insecurities and anger when you yourself are trying to do the same?
 

*How do you wait, wait, then wait some more for the computer to tell you he's online waiting to communicate? The waiting.....
 

*How do you hear the T.V. news and the always negative garbage spewing from them regarding our military without becoming resentful?
 

*How do you see the other families in church with their Daddys and keep smiling?
 

*How do you raise 4 little (now BIG) rambunctious boys with all their dirt, toys, arguing and markers on the wall, (now driving and college apps) alone?
 

*How do you sleep when you know there could be a knock on the door anytime with no warning?
 

*How do you pay bills with the ridiculous salary the army pays, yet you are giving your all to them?
 

*How do you sit in the hospital with a child having seizure after seizure without his Daddy?
 

*How do you get ready for Christmas, birthdays and summer BBQs without him years at a time?
 

*How do you both live life in the now yet constantly live for his homecoming?
 

*How do you deal with the husband who returns who is not the man who left? War has changed him and you have been warned.
 

*How do you let go and do it all again and again and again?

    I could go on and on. I do not know how military wives do it. They are a special breed of brave, those who do this well and stay in and keep intact families. They, too, deserve our patriotic cheers and thank yous and support. I couldn't do it. Therein lies the secret.  I am not asked to do it. It is their Call. God has called them to a very unique and difficult life that is many times not their own. But He is there to support and hand out bravery, grace, confidence and see the tears.

   The gal I met 13 years ago is so darn far from the woman who now stands confident and sure and graceful. She has endured and grown and laughed and cried and stood by her soldier. She is the All American Wife and Mom. If you care to go through the last couple deployments you can read  Amanda's blog.  It's rough and lovey at the same time.

So....today on Memorial Day I am so, so thankful I do not have to mourn with her. After/during  five long deployments and losing many buddies and his own men, Paul is still with us, along with several Bronze Stars. He is a man his sons are proud of, a man with an impeccable military record. He wouldn't like me writing that, but oh well. We are honored to know a family like this because they are what America stands for....why America stands at all. 

~Blessings~

Lisa

Memorial Day is Not National BBQ Day

I know these little slogans are everywhere but it's important we remember it isn't just a 3 day weekend. There are thousands of people who mourn thousands of fallen soldiers all over our great country. It isn't just something to say, it is something to think about, pray about, be grateful for and most importantly teach our children. 

Our fallen soldiers died for Republicans, Democrats, all races and all religions because they themselves were all races and religions. We need to think about kindness and mercy towards each other to honor their lives.

We have to remember too, it isn't only the latest fallen ,but those who many years ago died to keep us free or way back to our beginnings to win our freedom the first time. Teach your children., read a bit of history, do a little research.

~FREEDOM REALLY ISN'T FREE~

Have a lovely day Monday, celebrate your freedom, say a toast, remember the fallen if only for a moment but please, out of respect, don't wish people a Happy Memorial Day it isn't so happy for many.

~Blessings~

Lisa

Perfection and the Quilts

I was born a perfectionist and it has plagued me all my life. But recently I was shown that maybe, kinda, sorta, I have come a long way out of perfection into reality. Something in life has come full circle.

When I was in 8th grade I wanted to make a quilt for my Mom. At that time in the 70's rust and navy blue were popular colors so off to the fabric store, Beverly Fabrics,  I went. I remember pouring over a million fabrics to get just the right ones my mother would love and that would compliment each other.

I spent a lot of time with a paper grid arranging and rearranging the pattern.  I spent a lot of time measuring, cutting and piecing her quilt together. When it was done it had hundreds of pieces; squares and even some triangles (not the way to start a first quilt!).

This quilt was sewn by hand....all of it. I was 13 years old.

When I finished it and then put it together my Mom loved it. I did not. She showed it to anyone who walked in the door. I pointed out all the mistakes. They were all I saw when I looked at it. No matter how lovely anyone thought it was, I made sure they knew it was not good enough.

Not good enough. The scourge of perfectionist.

One day when I had pointed out the imperfect parts of her quilt, My Mom took me aside and was angry. Well, as angry as she ever got which wasn't much. She told me it was wrong to point out all the imperfections of her quilt. She said it was beautiful and specially made for her and that there were no perfect quilts. I never pointed out those imperfections again to anyone but I thought it every time she brought it out.

Recently my son's girlfriend Lilly made an amazing, beautiful, gorgeous, king size quilt for my son Joe for his birthday. It truly is beautiful and her first attempt!!  It had to have taken so much thought and time and love. 

When he opened it we were all oohing and aahing and she began to point out where all the imperfections were!!!  Okay God....I finally get it.....35 years later!  I get it. That quilt I made for my Mother and Lilly made for Joe is nothing but love. Love for a person and work for that person and thought about that person and perhaps prayer for that person. No imperfection can change that.  None. Ever.

What is with this perfection thing? It's horrible. My best friend is a serial perfectionist too so we have tried hard to encourage each other OUT of perfection. Because we are in our 40's we can laugh now at how ridiculous it is to be a perfectionist because of course you cannot attain the unattainable. We commiserate about all the times we were like hamsters on a wheel trying to attain perfection in every part of our lives. It's a drive, a compulsion, an inborn trait. It stinks. We've spent hours talking and laughing and shaking our heads at ourselves then sharing how far we've come.

There is also a positive side to this. Being a perfectionist also drives a person to want the best for others and to do the best for them. I have been afflicted my whole life but I have never demanded perfection from others....Thank You God...really. That would be a nightmare for my family.  What's really funny is I am uber understanding of the imperfections in my children. It's always been important to me to make sure they felt loved just as they are. That their imperfections are marks of a human, a lovely unique human. Why I cannot apply that to myself is beyond me.

 I can tolerate imperfections much better now. I can make a quilt, a dress, some curtains and although things are pretty regulated as far as measurements etc. I am much more relaxed.  Yay me!!  When things are stressful however, I can revert back to being a crazy person but I try really hard to control it.

I have several children who are perfectionists. I now know it's not my fault because these children were born that way and so was I. No matter what I say or how much I compliment them they have a standard to which they cannot measure. All I can do is share my own struggles and how much nicer it is to accept things that are not just so. 

I can even rejoice in the imperfect now. It has character, uniqueness, it's special. Perfect is not special.

~Blessings~
      Lisa

Or Else.....

Do you think threatening a child to comply works?

I don't think so and it is destructive to you both.

If you are going to say," Blah, blah, blah, or else I'm going to....." You better mean it and instantly get up and do whatever your blah, blah, blah meant! Every time.

I have visited with many, many Moms over my 8 child career and they always want to know how to get children to behave.  My first answer is ALWAYS say what you mean and FOLLOW THROUGH.  That is much of the battle of well behaved kids. Consistency!

When you are consistent when they're 2 you will not have to be saying "or else" when they're 7. I promise.  I am not Super Mom and my children certainly have never been perfect but it has worked for me for 27 years with 8 buggers so I have time on my side!

I have watched countless times, a Mom sit and say to little Suzy-Q, "If you don't put that down I'm going to take it awaa-aaay (you know that sing-song oh-so-irritating way Moms give a warning). But rarely and I mean rarely will they actually get up from what they're doing to GO GET IT when Suzy-Q doesn't put it down.  It is a lot of effort to get up or walk over every time.

How about in the car, "If you guys don't stop I'm pulling over"......yeah...how many Moms do you know actually pull over and stop the car?  Not many.  It's these sorts of antics that train children to disobey or ignore you. They are not going to be compliant when they know nothing is going to happen except you saying it over and over. Big deal, say it over and over. They are experts at tuning you OUT. 

If you give some sort of order, command, lovely request, whatever you want to call it.....you'd better be prepared to get your rear off the couch and DO IT.  I'm telling you it's that simple. Irritating that you have to be a Jack-in-the-Box...yes, but simple.  You'll be shocked at how much better behaved your child is after trying it. If this is done consistently you will not have to do it later because when you say something or give an "or else" they KNOW you will do it.  Simple.

Doesn't it sound easy? Well it's not, because they only want to do naughty or unsafe things when you are writing your blog or having coffee with a friend or cooking dinner or for sure when you are on the phone!  You want to practice this new skill? Get on the phone. You know how that goes. No one cares what you're doing until you get on the phone. Even while on the phone, you must be willing to say ,"Excuse me for a second" to whoever is on the line while you handle the behaviour or you are training them to know it's a free for all when Mom's on the phone.

Simple, simple, simple.  But hard.

Moms often don't realize by their own behaviour they are training their children. If it's pointed out to them it's always a shock because normally their behaviour is a reaction not a thought-out way to handle their child's actions.  Think Moms. Do you want to be spoken to they way you speak when you need correcting?  If you are yelling, scolding, spanking because you're irritated that's not the right reason or time. By the time you are irritated the behaviour has been going on for a bit right??  It's because you've let it go and know you're ready to flip-out!

Handle it the first or second time and you won't blow a fuse ladies.

When a Mom remains in control she is much more efficient. The screaming, yelling finger pointing garbage just plain doesn't work. And if it does, it's only to shut you up.....how does that make you feel?

Follow through with instructions, commands, requests. Follow through EVERY TIME.  Your "or else's" better mean something so be careful what you say.

I promise 100% that this will help get better behaviour from your children. It just requires self discipline which is rough to come by as a Mommy of young children sometimes. Try. Try hard. It will make a difference.

~Blessings~

Lisa