Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Crowded Nest is Best?? Really?


                                   
     Is it really best?  For us it sure is.

    I am reminded since we’re here in New York again, that we have a large family. It isn’t as if the fact escapes me, but Ed and I are certainly used to the size of our brood.  Whenever we are here in New York for a medical trip, it surprises me again and again how well New Yorkers respond to the size of our family. It is a real treat to hear over and over, ”Really, eight children? You are certainly blessed” and they mean it.  We get a far better reaction here than anywhere on the west coast. This seems strange considering the pace of New Yorkers. But we always notice too, New Yorkers tend to be family oriented folks.

   Ed and I wanted a large family from the beginning. We are both from divorced homes, raised by mothers who worked hard and raised us well. But we wanted something different than the family of the 70’s we grew up in and we knew it would require real sacrifice and hard work. We freely chose to give up material things so we could have a large family.  We knew we would do without sometimes but it was worth it to us. We have been blessed abundantly with 8 living children and 8 in heaven. 
     We don’t live a life like many others. We are what might be called Traditional and we like it that way.  We eat at the dining table all three meals of the day, we have Sundays as our day of church and rest with the whole family and any significant others over for the day and evening, we pray before meals, and we laugh a lot.  We have had years and years of noise, messy Lego floors, lots of laundry and love.  We also have significant medical issues and suffering.

   The noise, fights, laughter, playing….all those things that come with a huge family are still so wonder filled for me. I am an only child so it’s all like winning the lottery in my mind. I still sometimes can’t believe I have this many children!  It was a dream from the time I was little and I have been blessed by it coming true.  I watch them often, hoping they appreciate each other and the size of their family.  We have never had any of them say out loud they wished the family was smaller. In fact after we lost our last baby girl, the kids were all devastated. Mike, 12 years old at the time, was really hit hard by that loss and would say Rosaries and Novena’s asking God to send us another baby. It was one of the most precious memories in my parenting. Never in all the new pregnancy announcements to the kids, was anyone ever unhappy, they  were over-the-moon happy every time.  That is a blessing that nothing can be compared to, especially since 6 of the children are boys.

   I have recently witnessed things I had no idea about since I was an only child. Our three oldest boys are grown and in the last few years had grown apart going their separate ways, after having been the 3 Musketeers their whole lives.  It was a natural process I was told but I wondered if they would ever be friends again. All of a sudden they are there for one another during hard times.  I don’t always understand the sibling thing because I never had it, so it is quite foreign to me.  The fact that they had grown apart was really hard for me but the sheer joy of watching them now support one another is very special. They would groan if they heard that, but I’m the Mom and I don’t care!  

    I have watched the girls do the same. As the oldest grew and left home she and her sister were far apart because of personality and age. However, in the last couple of years they have found common ground on many things and both make a huge effort at a sister relationship. It is so lovely to watch.  Ed and I are truly blessed. Blessed because it didn’t just happen, there is real effort at family ties.

   The one thing that is painful for me as a parent is discovering that the family changes as it grows and we are not the same family now that we were 10 years ago. I have not experienced this since I was the only child in my family. This is particularly hard for me because of the medical challenges I have. I feel I am not the same Mom I was to the older ones and this just kills me.  I went 100 miles an hour for years with always a new baby or toddler in tow. I always had a new project going, could stay up ‘till 1AM and still be up at 5:30 AM for my walk, then homeschool the kids during the day.

   I am reminded by friends however, that the younger boys have a Mom who is not quite so busy because I cannot be physically, has more time with them than the older ones got because there are no more new babies, and that nothing stays the same.  Each child is born into a different family than the one before them.

   We once had a service man at the house with his wife and they just marveled at the size of our family and wanted to know what it took to make breakfast. I obliged, telling them that it required 2 dozen eggs, a gallon of milk, 2 pounds of bacon, close to a loaf of bread, and 2 cans of juice.  They just thought that was hilarious!  That was at the height of having everyone home. It was great!

    Those days are not so far gone as we still have 12 yr. old twins as the youngest, but they seem so long ago now when everyone was at home and little. I have all good memories and do not think about the things we didn’t have materially because we always had enough. If any of the kids felt they didn’t have enough, no one has ever said so.  Even now the oldest ones who live in their own homes get lonely for the family and drop in frequently.  I love this.  Whenever someone’s car is having trouble, there is always someone to call, always someone to help, no one in this family is ever alone. I love this.  If someone is down, another family member is there to invite them to a movie, or out to dinner or ice cream.  There is always someone to talk to or talk at as the boys frequently do !  Ribbing siblings is an art form in our home.

   In our crazy medical circus the kids are always there to help even with their own medical challenges. We frequently need someone to drop so-and-so somewhere because I am up at Children’s hospital. I have never heard a complaint about this. When anyone is down with a medical problem someone is there to make a run to the store, make a milkshake for the patient or get them a treat.  On our frequent medical trips the oldest take care of the younger ones while we’re gone and if the younger ones are with us, the older keep the house going perfectly.  We are blessed. We do have funny stories about, say, them having no toilet paper for days on end but we won’t go there J.

   In these years of parenting a large brood, I learned more than I ever thought I could. I learned to be organized, to know myself and nip anger or being overly tired in the bud so as not to take things out on the kids. I learned patience and self control. I learned to work hard on myself daily so I would be someone the kids might learn good habits from. In short, I am a better person because I have a large family. I am certainly a work in progress but the stakes are high when you have children watching your actions and words constantly.  Because of them I am a calmer, kinder person. 

  Children are a gift from God and ours were sent to us on loan to save our souls. Ed and I had to better ourselves for the sake of our children.  A crowded nest certainly IS best!

~Blessings~

       Lisa

Friday, January 18, 2013

Ronald McDonald House Of Long Island

  Ronald McDonald House of Long Island

    Our upcoming medical trip to New York has morphed into a 6 person circus.  One of our twins will have his brain/spine surgery after some testing, then 3 more kids will have post-op appointments, testing and discussions about their future big surgeries. I will have my 4th brain surgery, so off with the hair again.  Gulp.

    It's been an intense week of making arrangements, appointments, pre-registering with the hospital and getting the myriad of pre-surgical clearances needed for Steven and I.  It is daunting.  It is a bit emotional. It is also familiar as it will be our 16th trip.

    We are 2 weeks out and the lists are looooong.  So much to do since I will be relatively out of commission when I get back so I must have things "cleaned up" around here as far as paperwork, medical billing, odds and ends of To Do lists, etc.  Then there's packing for a large group!  Oh boy.

    Mercy Medical Flights has come through in an amazing way, flying all of us at no expense across country. They are such a great group of folks allowing families to have the critical care they need. 

    When we arrive, we stay at our Home~Away~From~Home, Ronald McDonald House of Long Island. The most wonderful place for all of us. We could not do what we do without them. Not only does it provide a beautiful place to stay, it is like home, with a huge glass living room, games, toys, movies, a kitchen supplied with 2 pantries of food. Every night a different local group cooks dinner and serves it. It is a chance to talk to others outside our medical world and thank them for helping us take care of our children.   Every time we arrive the staff has hugs and smiles for us. I really cannot convey in words how lovely it is to have them when you are faced with the kinds of medical things we are.  It balances everything out beautifully. 

    Each room is lovely, spacious, and has handmade quilts on the beds. There is usually a game or stuffed toy for the kids as well as either a homemade pillowcase or blanket.  Amazing.

The Great Room

Geri the Giraffe

Steven's new bike given to him by RMcDH


 The spacious and beautiful kitchen/dining room

 The boys with their medals on from the Walk to raise money

  Beautiful front yard

  Play Room

   What's really wonderful is we stay with families who are doing what we do. We do not have to be on guard, there's no staring after surgeries when someone is bald, everyone pulls for everyone, asks how the child is doing when the parents return from the hospital. One spring we were there for 6 weeks for 2 brain surgeries on Steven. There was this great gal Leena who had a 1 yr old with Leukemia and she herself had cancer. She had the best attitude, smile, and laugh!  And best of all she loved Jane Austin :)  Everytime I walked in the door from the hospital she demanded an update!  One day was particularly hard and she could tell. She waltzed up and told me if I didn't knock on her door even at 3 AM if I needed to talk she would hunt me down :)  It still makes me tear up thinking about it. She was such a huge part of that trip and all of our memories. She made a huge effort to befriend Steven who was so shy and having such a hard time.  He loves her to this day. She and her son still hang on our fridge and photo board.  THAT'S what the house is about in spirit.  

   Then there's Barb, Lisa, Jen......love them all. And Mike keeps Ed going with his politics, news and sports chats!

   A year ago we spent 2 months there for multiple surgeries for the kids and we literally had a RMcDH family consisting of a huge group of us from all over the U.S., Iraq, Afghanistan, Russia !  We all lived there for months and shared everything. It was quite the experience for Ed and I and especially the kids. If we have to do hard things we are so thankful God gives us these huge blessings to balance it all.  We keep in contact with many of those folks!

    In practical ways it is also so important. Since I have medical limitations myself, to have washers and dryers right there, kitchens with everything needed to cook for my family, a place to rest when needed, a homey atmosphere, people who care. It really makes these trips do-able without losing your mind! Can you imagine bringing a child just out of brain surgery to a hotel and giving them restaurant food ? Yuk. At RMcDH we cook nutritious meals that they like so they will regain their strength.  There is a beautiful backyard to sit in and rest and enjoy the sun while healing.

    If you ever are just hunting for a charity to give away your money this is one of our favorite places!!  You are helping families in ways you cannot imagine.


~Blessings~
     Lisa



Thursday, January 17, 2013

Mmmm Green Chili

This recipe is a super easy one from an old friend of mine. I take it to potlucks all the time and get many compliments.



1 lb. ground pork
3 cans cream of chicken soup
1 small can diced green chilies
salt
pepper
onion powder  (or onions if you prefer)
garlic powder

Cook and season pork with above seasonings
Mix in soup and green chilies
Add water to desired consistency
Season to taste with above seasonings

I leave enough time to let this cook on low for a couple hours to get just the right taste.  It's great in the Crock Pot as you can take it to an event and just plug it back in.   I serve it with tortillas to dip! 

Usually when it's for a potluck I double the recipe.

Enjoy!!

~Blessings~
     Lisa

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

A Favorite Dinner

One of our favorite dinners around here is supposed to be called "Pork in White Wine Sauce".  I got the recipe out of Taste of Home magazine years ago and tweaked it a bit for our family.  Alas, in our overly male home it quickly morphed from "Pork in White Wine Sauce" to ,"Mom, are you making melted meat tonight?"    Really???  Melted Meat?   Sigh...... I am the mother of 6 boys.

I thought I would put it on here since it's so popular at our house. This is for approx. 8 people since some of the kids don't like the sauce part :/

Pork

1  pork roast about 1 3/4 lb. (I get mine in the 4 pack from Costco)
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. onion powder
salt
pepper
1 cup white wine

Put pork roast in Crock Pot and add about an inch of water and the cup of white wine. Sprinkle spices on top and cover, set on high. I normally put one in around 11 AM for dinner at 6 PM.  If you want to put it in frozen put it in first thing in the morning.

Sauce

2 cans cream of chicken soup
1/2 to 1 cup broth from the Crock Pot
1/2 to 1 cup white wine
at least 2 tsp garlic powder
at least 1 tsp onion powder
very little salt (because of soup)
pepper

either pasta or rice


The ingredients are very flexible in this recipe.  If you need more sauce add more white wine or if you need a lot more, another can of soup. If you like it thick use less liquid, if you like it thinner add more.  The spices are really to taste depending on what you like.  Put all ingredients in sauce pan and lightly whisk. Pull apart the pork and add to sauce pan. Keep tasting until you like it.  If you have time, heat it up and let it simmer at least 1/2 hour for taste.  Then you can tweek it to your desired taste with more spices and/or wine.   Pour over either pasta or rice.

Enjoy "Melted Meat"    sigh.......

~Blessings~
     Lisa





Monday, January 7, 2013

Hug 'em Tight

   We're at Seattle Children's today for all day infusions for Mary. She doesn't feel so hot after her Methotrexate injection last night but the anti-emetics they have her on have helped a lot.  I, too, am struggling today with nausea and various medical crud and still fighting the Mito crash from Christmas.  The two of us are a slow, pitiful, but oh-so-cheerful pair today.

   As the IVIG was being infused there was another teen close by really having a hard time. Cancer stinks and the nausea and vomiting that accompany chemo. are just a nagging nightmare.  She was so sad, crying softly. Then I was in tears.  That's unusual for me but we have another medical trip coming and everything in me is a bit out of emotional balance again. I know how that Mom is feeling I know how that teen is feeling, because I am both of them, and there is nothing I can do to make it easier for them. It's a road that must be travelled.  Acceptance. This is such a huge part of a medical journey.  It doesn't make the symptoms any easier but not fighting them or being angry certainly does.

    I just walked to the cafeteria as Mary slept, to get a coffee and her a Diet Coke.  It's funny how, when I am having a flare up, sometimes it makes things feel very clear. Clear?  Yup.  I was taking a stroll from hem/onc towards the elevators and saw several families waiting to be called back for their infusions. I could tell they are frequent flyers like us because they were happy, joking, visiting even though the patient looked terrible.  I sometimes wonder how this looks to newly diagnosed families.

   Then I came across the check-in desk on Whale 6 and there was the most beautiful little girl, maybe 2 yrs. old handing her Daddy a camera and grabbing Mickey Mouse's hand for a picture. Daddy complied and she smiled sweetly.....me too.  A little further on my stroll, I see families checking in for badges. Some are totally exhausted, some looking confused and stressed, others happy. 

    One day Mary and I were in the elevator between appointments and infusions and there was a Mom and Dad in there too.  Mary tried to say "Hello" and there was no response. They both looked shell shocked.  She was rather put out and I had to remind her that we are veteran medical people and that very likely they were just given a very difficult diagnosis or worse.  They had no idea we were even there. She understood.  It's different for us, we get difficult diagnosis' fairly often and know the routine.

This medical journey is just not the same for any two families.

   I love that Children's has Starbucks....of course it does....IT'S SEATTLE !  It's a treat and a comfort. The folks who work there recognize everyone.  They recognize me and greet me. This alone is such a blessing. Do they know what a blessing that is?  Do they know how I appreciate that?  They are up-beat, they sing...rather, they belt things out all together...so funny.  They smile and they laugh.  I love this hospital.   This is a good thing considering how much time I have spent here with my children.

   I wonder if I will ever be done with all this.  I don't resent it, I don't dread it, I am not angry about it all.  What I am is tired. And with all of my own medical stuff increasing all the time, I am wearing down, especially during a flare up. 

   Back to things being clear.  During a flare up I cannot pretend all of this doesn't exist. I can barely fake it at all, so during this time I remain fairly isolated from friends (except for the computer) by choice for many reasons.  My huge family is always around so there's no lack of socializing here.  When I am feeling like a sick person, which I hate, things are quite clear because life here on earth is not forever and therein lies clarity.  This is good I tell myself. I have to have my eyes on the prize....always. Maybe this is why God allows what He does.  Between flare ups, my diseases are still there of course, but I can mask them, hide them, keep them locked up in cages in as much as I can manage my time. But when there's a flare up, there is very little that can be hidden for long as I feel and look so ick.  I then have the gift of time to think about things I don't have time to think about when I am busy running the universe  :) Yes, I have issues.  My friend Fr. Know-it-All reminds me of my pride issues constantly !

   This clarity right now extends to the upcoming medical trip back to NYC for the, I believe, 16th trip and 22nd time in the O.R.  One of our twins, the youngest in the family, will have another neurosurgery, he's had 2 brain surgeries and a spinal cord surgery already in his short life.  His brothers also need the same surgery as this is congenital and must be fixed. The brainstem compression is causing heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, and a host of other vital problems. We have put this off for as long as we could but God let us know by circumstances, it's time to roll.  The enormity of a medical trip like this is daunting....for a healthy person.  I am a lemon car who's parts are failing faster than they can be replaced.  We are however, used to these trips and have a routine of packing etc. that is second nature now. Clarity allows me to see and appreciate my husband who is great at all this. It allows me to once again realize how our older children buck up and take care of our home and all that entails for weeks, sometimes months at a time while we're gone.  They are amazing and we are blessed.

   On this trip Mary will go along for her own post-op but also to help me when Ed flies back home after the surgery and hospital stay. She's had so much medical in her life she can manage it in her brothers and myself easily.  God never allows both of us to be medically down at the same time!!  Woo hoo!

   Hug your kids, your spouse, your friends today.  Clarity is lovely. See them all for what they are to you and why. To see clearly, what is important and why. I am reading a book called "Proof of Heaven; A Neurosurgeon's Journey into the Afterlife"  A good read.  Life matters when the rubber really hits the road.  Don't wait.

~Blessings~
      Lisa