Entitlement

Where have we derived the idea that we as a society are entitled to something? Why as a person does someone feel entitled to something?  

Have you ever read the book The Greatest Generation? I don't think there is a single word in that book that smacks of entitlement. Where did that attitude go folks???  Where did that git-er-done spirit go?

Why do we have so many whiny, depressed, pitiful, lazy, folks these days? People who think someone owes them something? They are everywhere. Sit somewhere sometime where you can just listen to people talk and you will get an earful. I was writing a blog on having a grateful spirit, a thankful heart but this one just sort of took over after several incidents. 

I grew up in a grateful home with a mother who literally preached gratitude. Gratitude for everything no matter how small or insignificant. I heard about my grandparents and how hard they worked, about the Depression, about the ration stamps and about the happiness they had in spite of it all because they persevered. Hard work, working together, sacrificing is what made them happy. Not running away from it like many folks are apt to do today. 

Today the goal of the day seems to be gratifying oneself even at the expense of others. That after a day's work one deserves to play, one deserves to have time to relax or be alone or do whatever one wants to. This was NOT the attitude in the days past. Not at all. I realize this is not everyone but it's a trend I'm talking about....self before others. The opposite of how things were just a couple of generations ago in this wonderful country.

I sat in a state office recently and listened to people tell one another how to work "the system". It was so disheartening. 

I was in line at the grocery store and watched someone who had a state card buying groceries. I am not judging that aspect as I know that it is certainly needed by some folks especially in this bad economy. What I wonder about is everything bought was pre-packaged and ready to eat and very expensive. I have a large family and could have fed my family for a week from scratch on what those few items cost. Maybe they were not taught to cook. Maybe they were tired and over worked. But I do see this all the time. I frequently see this when I have all generic food in my cart, things I cook from scratch so I can save money because my husband works so hard and I don't want to waste his hard earned money.

I listen to people complain they don't have enough yet have smart phones, have cable, have huge car payments. These are luxuries not necessities. If you make enough money to easily have them....great!!! If you do not they are NOT necessities folks. What the average American thinks is a need is not, it's a want, a luxury. 

We are a spoiled, entitled country. We have spent enough time in NYC with families from all over the world who know real need. They know real gratitude and are amazed by our lack of it here and tell us so. One lovely little girl from Afghanistan would get into the shower 3-4 times a day because she could not believe that water actually came out of the wall! This, from the child of a pharmacist....not a peasant.  We loved it and it reminded us how fortunate we are. They were constantly grateful for every little thing.

Today I was at physical therapy with the boys. When it was my turn Scott started laughing because he could see the boys in the car fighting. He thought it was hilarious because they are pretty quiet around him even though they've known him since they were 6 yrs old after their spinal cord surgeries. He kept staring at them then looked back at me and I couldn't help the tears running down my face. He knew why. He said," It's because they can fight now huh?" I could only nod. 

Eight months ago Bobby was laying in PICU on a ventilator after 13 hours in the O.R. I was standing next to his bed, bald, with stitches from my 4th brain surgery only 2 weeks earlier. His chest was artificially going up and down with that horrible sound. Ed watched from right behind me, helpless, because I had had no time to recover and he could not help me or his son. Steven was back at Ronald McDonald House recovering from his 9 hour brain surgery the week before.  The man had no control over his own family that he loves so much. He was helpless. It was the hardest night we have spent and it got harder as Bobby crashed and all the meds had to be turned off and he woke up with the ventilator still in, staring at us, so frightened. We had to be strong and peppy and in control for that boy. He was first...not our fear, not our held back tears....not our terror. We babbled happily like idiots, trying to be cheery as he tried to write on a notepad.....
"I'm choking".
 I still have that paper with the shaky writing.

In this hardship, were we entitled to anything? Maybe comfort from the awesome nurses we have known forever and were so good to Bobby that night and our wonderful friends at Ronald McDonald House. Maybe comfort from others who suffer and understand. We cannot even afford counseling to go through the process of that night. Ed and I still cannot talk about it without tears even though we have worked through it a hundred times. We have been in peds ICU so many times we've lost count. No amount of money, no material goods, no stuff, no houses, no cars, no salons, no vacations, NOTHING can be as wonderful as those two boys fighting and wrestling and riding bikes and being ALIVE after multiple brain and spinal cord surgeries even if they are not medically perfect......

And we are thankful and grateful and we are entitled to NOTHING except our choosing to be happy. Scott knew this today because he saw them before their surgeries. He knew what they had been and the pain they had been in and will always be in. He knows they will suffer always but they have the guts and the determination to keep going because we have trained them since they were little to suffer well and not to take prisoners. Things happen in life to make you a better person.

Is it easy?? Nope. But we hope it will serve them and others well. We have watched others take prisoners and it isn't pretty. If we do nothing else for these kids, that is what we want to accomplish. We never want them to feel entitled since they have so many disorders/ diseases. We want them to know many people suffer and theirs isn't any worse than someone else's. God has made them just the way they are and they must do the best they can with the circumstances they have been given...period. 

I hope, I wish.....I pray this could be another Greatest Generation but with the entitlement mentality going around it ain't lookin' pretty.  It's funny how when we have a natural disaster and folks don't have their "stuff" everyone seems to get nicer and helpful. The pretenses fall away, the competition with the Joneses is not quite so important. This happens too in the hospital when we're there. That is one of the blessings of a medical life.

~Blessings~

Lisa

People Are More Important Than Things

I realize I am an old girl in a new world but ya know what????

Put the @#!*% phones down, there are humans in front of you....RECOGNIZE THEM.

 As often happens when I read one of my favorite blogs, my brain zooms into action on a topic that fires me up and boy is this one of them. PHONES....grrrrrrr.

Yes, it is partially because I am an old gal and partially because I am the mother of 8.

 This topic really gets to me because a am a big time people person and I love to connect. Try walking down the street or in a grocery store now.....too funny...or not. Actually I had a better observation picking up my lovely daughter from college. I was sitting in the car waiting for her and I watched as human after human literally missed smacking into a pole by millimeters as they stared blankly at their phones. Not one, EVER looked up to acknowledge another planet dweller. No smiles. No goofy guy nods. No sweet girl smiles. No males or females even looking for each other!  NOTHING...not one among many, many students.


Our daughter, too, is super people oriented and had been ready to whip the world beginning Running Start at the local Community College as a high school senior. She wanted to meet everyone there as she has spent the last years of her life in hospitals, doctor's offices, infusion centers, labs....well you get the gist. She is well spoken, mature.....ready to take on life.  She came home rather deflated telling us they were like robots attached to these phones in class and out. This, coming from a then 17 year old not an old lady like myself.

 My day waiting for her confirmed her tale.

This is hard for me as an extrovert. This short video below shows it perfectly. She sees how no one is wholly present to her. I find myself backing away now from those who do this, as my time is more valuable than those who want to divide my time with a technological instrument.

 Not just my time, But I am more valuable than this. I have taken the time to spend with you. 

 YOU, because you are important and valuable to me. I have better things to do than sit while you pull out an inanimate object.

Please take the short 2 minutes to watch this. It's good. She is fully present in her life....they are busy "catching" or "checking" it as it goes by.....

Being present is so, so important. Especially as fast as life is on this planet now.

I recognize no one wants the "phones are so terrible" speech. My goal is the "humans are infinitely important" emphasis. Recognize if even for an afternoon how often the phone takes you from the face or ears of a human. Any human even if they are not important to you. Maybe you are important to them and you may not know it. There are things I guarantee you are missing. Connections you are meant to have that you are not having. Moments that have gone.....looks that have passed you by because you're checking something "real quick".

God works in a moment.

People relay pain or messages or feelings sometimes in a brief look or body posture......you will miss it glancing at that THING.  You will miss the nuances of life. In some ways it's what we're missing right now in our culture...the little things.

Definition of Nuance:

1: a subtle distinction or variation

2: a subtle quality : nicety

3:sensibility to, awareness of, or ability to express delicate shadings (as of meaning, feeling, or value)

a subtle difference in or shade of meaning, expression, or sound.

"the nuances of facial expression and body language"

synonyms:

fine distinction, subtle difference;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The big things in life get our attention but it's the nuances that shape our life, shape a sentence, shape a day, shape an opinion, shape a mood, so many things. We are missing these nuances because of the glances...... the constant glancing over,  glancing down at those @#!*% phones.  Because a nuance is subtle. Subtle is soft, quick, small, you must be paying attention.  Hear that?

 You must be paying attention.

 Where is everyone's attention? Spend 15 minutes on a bench somewhere.

Maybe just spend 5 minutes less a day checking the phone. Maybe stash it away when the person you love most is talking to you, or the children you love most are telling you about their day. Instead of it being stuck to your palm, maybe put it in a in a drawer for an hour. Or turn off the sound all together??

 Anything is better and better is always good. Not perfect, better.

 People are always more important than things. Ask my kids. They can give you the old eye roll on that. They've heard it since they could walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, people are more important than things mom. It does however work in reverse guys....I have said it many times when I got the call.....

 "Mom...pause....I'm okay ,but....I just had an accident". My first words go something like..."It's just a car, people are more important than things".

~Blessings~

Lisa

What do we "deserve"?

I have a pet peeve. I have a real problem with folks who think something is owed to them when something unfortunate happens. Anytime something goes wrong, or someone gets hurt or there is an accident of any sort, they feel they deserve compensation.

Law suits have made the world view a bit skewed.  They have also made folks thin skinned in the area of tolerating hardship.

Have you been to the park lately? Most parks are so darn boring now because....Oh My Gosh...a child might, possibly, maybe, get HURT.....gasp!  Really? 

Because some fool has sued the city or park association because their little Pookie got hurt on one of the super fun structures, they must all be removed.  Maybe little Pookie wasn't coordinated, maybe the parents weren't watching them, maybe they just GOT HURT.  I mean that is in every kid's operating manual at birth right?  What on earth would we put a band aid on if they weren't supposed to get hurt sometimes?

Have you ever seen a kid climb a tree? We live in Washington State and we have serious trees here. BIG ones, Douglas Firs. What are we going to do about those rascals climbing trees????  Maybe tree climbing should be illegal.  One of our neighbors came flying out of her house one day because one of our 6 boys was close to the top of a fir in our front yard probably 2 stories high. I came outside and she frantically asked what would happen if he fell.  I thanked her for the concern but I told her we would simply take him to the ER. 

Really???  

What kind of life can a kid have with no risks? Well if your parents think your life should never have any hardships, then no, no risks should be taken. Boring.

What kind of character building can go on when it's believed that if something, anything bad happens, compensation of some sort is deserved? 

Suck it up. Get over it. Brush yourself off and get back on that horse. How about "Stuff Happens" as a motto? 

Do you think for every hard situation blame must be assigned? Why? Really, think about it. WHY?Does blame always have to assigned? Why does a person deserve something simply because an accident occurred?

Last year we were rear ended and the car was smooshed.  The young lady (an older teen) was not on her phone, was not texting, it was very bad weather, and it was an unexpected back up that she couldn't have seen until after she made a turn and there we were.  Her insurance company hounded us about how much we were going to "go after" her for. They were waiting for a high demand of cash. Huh?

Because there was no negligence in our minds, it was simply an accident. Yes, I needed the car and very little in medical cost taken care of, and that's what insurance is for, but we didn't deserve anything more. 

Did it shake us up? Yup.

Did we have an ER visit? Yup.

Was there lasting medical damage? Yup.

Was it stressful? You bet.

Did we deserve to "go after" her?   NOPE.

She was a kid who was taken off guard in bad weather and couldn't stop. Period.

Stuff happens folks.

We have had several very serious medical mistakes made on our children. The mistakes were not negligence per se so why would we deserve compensation?  Possible death was involved in one of them and the loss of a body part on the other.  We sought nor received not one penny for either of those.  Why would we? Because something bad happened? Because something hard had to be dealt with?  Does someone need to be blamed?

Part of this pet peeve has to do with Faith. We believe God is in control.....of everything.

He allows very difficult, sometimes unfair things to happen to all of us for very good reasons. His reasons.  We become better people, stronger, resilient, maybe even gain a sense of humor.  Nothing happens without it being used for a greater good....always.

We have had some pretty big things happen in our family. Our medical is such a huge, complicated circus even our physicians ask me frequently , "How do you DO this?"  Don't you think that implies it's difficult?  They compliment us on how we handle so much, that is so hard, for so long.  That says it's out of the ordinary. And it is.

We blame no one. There is no one to blame. It just IS. And we ask God how He wants us to handle it all, what is His will for us and for our children. What is there He wants us to learn?

There is no way to litigate any compensation from the myriad of diseases our children have. There is no compensation for "pain and suffering". It just IS. 

And there is pain and there is suffering...plenty of it.

And it isn't going away.

Why then, does someone who gets hurt, for example falling in a store, deserve compensation beyond medical bills if any? Have they never fallen in their home?  Maybe they're clumsy. Maybe they have a disorder that causes them to be dizzy. Why do they deserve compensation?

Why does ANYONE deserve compensation for "pain and suffering?"  Where did that start?

Babies are born with physical and mental defects.

People get hurt in public places.

Accidents happen that are just.....accidents. Not pre-meditated to bother someone or ruin their day.

Doctors make mistakes. If it isn't negligence like a surgeon operating while under the influence, it's just a mistake. Mistakes happen. There is no such thing as a perfect doctor.

Why must all of these be compensated or worse litigated?  Why does someone have to be punished because you are inconvenienced or maybe even your life is changed? 

Stuff Happens. Maybe it will make you a better person. Maybe you will grow from the suffering incurred or maybe you will meet someone or change some one's life by your patient tolerance of something very hard. God is awesome. He knows we only learn when something hard happens.

When did you ever learn something profound without some hardship?  Hardship is good for us. Really.

Someone or something does not have to blamed because something hard happens to you. Don't run for your attorney.

Pray.

Pray for strength, for wisdom, for patience, for humility.

So, I am done now. I will get off my soapbox.  Let's all buck up or as one of my sons says, "Open a can of man and get over it!"

Or......let's embrace the hard things that God sends our way as lessons in life for a greater good.

~Blessings~

Lisa

Memorial Day is Not National BBQ Day

I know these little slogans are everywhere but it's important we remember it isn't just a 3 day weekend. There are thousands of people who mourn thousands of fallen soldiers all over our great country. It isn't just something to say, it is something to think about, pray about, be grateful for and most importantly teach our children. 

Our fallen soldiers died for Republicans, Democrats, all races and all religions because they themselves were all races and religions. We need to think about kindness and mercy towards each other to honor their lives.

We have to remember too, it isn't only the latest fallen ,but those who many years ago died to keep us free or way back to our beginnings to win our freedom the first time. Teach your children., read a bit of history, do a little research.

~FREEDOM REALLY ISN'T FREE~

Have a lovely day Monday, celebrate your freedom, say a toast, remember the fallen if only for a moment but please, out of respect, don't wish people a Happy Memorial Day it isn't so happy for many.

~Blessings~

Lisa