80/20 ~ An Amateur Religious Study

I am by no means a scientist. I do however, have my own little scientific theory about religion and friends. I have a wide variety of friends in different religions and so do my children. We used to laugh in our neighborhood because we had the token Catholic, Mormon, Church of Christ, Episcopalian and Lutheran and we all got along great living out our faith!  

One of my sons recently went on a bachelor's weekend before a wedding and they had great fun as The Catholic, The Seventh Day Adventist and The Baptist. Wow what a group eh? They long ago hashed out their differences and have agreed to disagree on the stuff they will never agree on and agree on the huge amount they do agree on and have fun together as buddies and fellow Christians. They had a ball by the way, doing things the bride would have been proud of (wink, wink).

Most of my friends and I at some point or other, discuss religion or faith & morals since women talk non-stop and those topics come up if you are a thinking human being. Well, I shouldn't say just women because I have several male friends and I can see the eye rolls as they read.....sorry guys.  Anyway, no good conversation can go on without these solid topics coming up in one way or another, agreed?

I have been around a good long while, 48 years.....sigh. My Mom would laugh at that. But it certainly feels like a good long while and I am learning as I go still. What I have learned in this scientific study called life is this....

That easily 80% of what we believe and try to live out in our lives is in common with most other religions.  The other 20% we will never agree upon and it is not worth fighting over. Not because it's not WORTH fighting over but because we will never agree and we need to get along to be united for those who do not know God at all.

I'd say 80% is pretty stinkin' good don't you?

Now I am not going to debate who is or is not Christian or the definition of such. That is for the big time theologian Bloggers not me. I include Mormon, Muslim, Hinduism and all universally accepted religions in this post as we are friends with many types of religious persons and love and respect them for the way they live their lives. Because of our medical, we have lived for months at a time in NYC with Orthodox Jews, more liberal Jews, Muslims from Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan, and every religion under the sun. We have had extensive religious conversations with them and exchanged our beliefs. It was the most amazing time for our family and we learned a great deal. 

I was blessed to explain to our children why our Muslim friends excused themselves several times a day to their rooms. They pray 5 times a day at scheduled intervals and it's very important to them. They have special prayer beads that the older ladies carry around that are very similar to our Rosary beads. It was seriously cool and it was easy to relate to because it's similar to things we do as Catholics. There is beauty in the ancient religions. 

I sat one day with one of the older Muslim women (pictured below) and she and I had beautiful talks about the women of each of our our Holy books. It is a treasured memory for me. I had my Google translator from English to Arabic and there we were laughing at ourselves as we tried so hard to communicate! We got pretty darn good at it.

She was there from Iraq with her grandson whose limbs were blown off by a car bomb and he was badly burned over most of his body. I with 4 kids with brain and spine surgeries and my own 4th brain surgery. She and I, both there under serious circumstances, a Catholic woman and a Muslim woman were lovingly sharing about the Holy women of God. We were suffering like the Mother of God had suffered, watching children suffer like children should not have to do. But still we laughed, shared, cried and talked some more. 

Words aren't really good enough to explain it. 

It makes some of the First World problems I encounter here seem a little stupid and I get weary at times of the silliness, greed and pettiness that is constantly justified in our blessed country.

My daughter Mary and I with some of our friends from the Middle East 

Mary and some of our little friends in the kitchen 

of Ronald McDonald House. We had so much fun with these little men!! 

I have sat with friends as we discuss children, spouses (be they men or women), aging parents, financial difficulties, politics, morals, our own sinfulness, our own stupidity, our disappointments, our God and how He makes all things right.....about all the things that make us human. Anyone listening would not be able to tell which of the denominations we were!!  I think that's humbling and I think God smiles. 

Oh my gosh I have to write this (this is how my 4-brain-surgery mind now works, things just POP in) and I smile as I remember.....My one Mormon friend and I would go out to dinner and it would come up with the waitress how many children we had and we'd tell them we had 15 between us !  They would ask if we were Mormon or Catholic and we'd give a huge evil smile and both of us say, "BOTH" ! Their mouths would hang open because we were together. What??? We couldn't be friends? Or was it because we were reproducing rabbits?  Sheesh. We thoroughly enjoyed doing that to people I'm afraid. We'd even set people up just to do it....not very mature for two religious ladies huh? We just couldn't help ourselves sometimes. Whatever.

We had wonderful Hindu neighbors who changed our way of celebrating Christmas forever. The Mom was my good friend and she wanted to see what all the hubbub was about and asked to participate with me on Christmas eve. I  was a super-duper early and frugal shopper and started very early so there were many gifts for the children but not a lot had been spent. I had midnight Mass on the T.V. and she thought the Pope was wonderful, candles were lit, the children were in bed, it was lovely really. She was so excited to help and she helped carry gift, after, gift, after, gift, after, gift , after gift down the stairs to place under the tree.

Are you getting the scene here?????    I was truly mortified that night seeing it through her eyes. Seeing my unintended materialism as a Christian through the eyes of a Hindu who wanted to see how a Christian family celebrated their Holy time. I was so ashamed and humbled and rightly so.

We changed Christmas dramatically after that year. We had a big talk the next morning with the children. That's another post.

I realize the differences in doctrine of the different faith traditions is substantial and important but it's the daily living out of our faith and our behaviour and it's affect on others that really matters. It's what touches our neighbors and our family. It's our commonality and how we connect. I cannot deny the 20% because it's what makes me Catholic and I love my faith dearly and would defend it to the death if I lived in a place where that were necessary. But the 80% is where I live with my brothers and sisters in Christ(for me), where we support one another and where we share and learn.

We call this picture "What do you mean MY hair looks funny?"

Hagan and Steven  (Hagan is also Big Ed's little buddy!)

Hagan (from TN) and Steven (from WA) were best buddies following 

their surgeries and met up again (in NY) for more surgeries a year later!

We all love Ronald McDonald House of Long Island

On one of 17 medical trips to New York, Ed and I sat at the Ronald McDonald House kitchen table with a wonderful couple we have come to know and love. They are Baptist and from the south. Our children share several serious, rare diagnosis and have had the same multiple brain surgeries (see above pictures) so we have been through the ringer together and have a bond. We'd been in the hospital at the same time (the hospital knows us well so they put the boys together in ICU! ) and we were exhausted, had given the kids pain meds, put them to bed, so the talk was raw and open. 

They shared they had never spoken to Catholics before they met us(!) and wanted to know if we really worshiped Mary the Mother of Jesus and some other common misconceptions. We told them that no, we honored her like the mother of any important person is honored. God chose her as a very important person out of all other women on earth to give birth to the Savior, so she was obviously very special. We love her because of her unconditional YES to God without thinking, without thought of the consequences to herself from the society in which she lived. This is still so important in our own time and why Mary is still honored in the Catholic Church because of her YES without hesitation.....so simple. We must have the guts to do the same.....daily.

They were shocked. They said,"That's it?" 

 We said, "Yup, that's it. No weird worship, no voo-doo or human sacrifices or scary rituals". They laughed and so did we. They shared the misconceptions about their church and how they are seen as something they are not.

The Gospel has not changed, our yes like The Blessed Mother Mary's should not change. Pretty simple. She sacrificed with nothing in return but suffering. We should sacrifice expecting nothing in return. God takes care of everything and she showed us the way to her Son so we have a road map. Ya know...sort of like Vanna White with a sweeping gesture of the hand.  Is that sacrilegious??  Uh-oh.

I have had conversations with younger folks who believe that arguing their religious points on Facebook is going to win souls to Christ. Ummmmm....Nope. Not only do you waste your time arguing, you present an angry Christ, an angry Christian, and hearts are never won in anger. Christ didn't go around bopping folks on the head shoving the gospel down their throats. It just doesn't work like that.

Humor is also part of the 80/20 thing. It works much better than bopping. Because my roster of friends is rather ecumenical we have some funny conversations. Ed has some friends at work that tell bad religious jokes. Now mind you it's about their own religion, well and others if the truth be told, but they all laugh and no one is offended. The media would say that's bigoted and call the ACLU....bologna.  These guys and gals are also every color in the rainbow.

My one Lutheran friend is forever telling me I "get" to go to heaven "even though" I'm Catholic. I thank him profusely of course. His father was a Lutheran Pastor. A very holy man. One of my closest friends in the world is a Catholic priest. He is just evil in the humor department and this goes a long way. He uses his humor often to defuse difficult situations and to put people who might be uncomfortable around a clergyman at ease. In fact, I was at a meeting of ladies the other night and one of them (who is not Catholic) had met him at our home. She was telling the other ladies how much she liked him because of his dry sense of humor. I'll share....

This gal is wonderful and lost her husband suddenly to heart failure and has a child who is going through some very difficult teen years. She is not going to have any nerves left when these years are over! She had shared some of the problems with the group of us at the house and Father, being VERY good with people and knowing when he can do his humor thing, (at just the right moment) says, "Yeah....pause.....that's why I'm so glad I'm celibate !" 

 Oh-my-gosh...everyone was laughing hysterically.  She, being a non-catholic and never having met a priest was just won over completely and has mentioned it so many times since. 

Humor.

My friends and I joke about our faiths saying things like,"Yeah I'm the token Catholic or Mormon or Jew." Stereotypes are just stereotypes. Getting offended is for sissies. Don't bother. Political correctness is for dummies folks. Don't engage.  Unless it's downright mean,  it's stupid to get offended. Life is short and laughing is much more effective.  

Find the commonalities. Find what you believe in that is the same as your neighbors, co-workers, family members who do not share your religion. If you have to, set boundaries on what can and cannot be discussed so as to avoid confrontations that are sure to blow up.  80/20. There are those whose personalities will gravitate to the 20 just to be difficult. Stay away from them if they cannot respect the boundaries. It will inevitably end up in conflict and things like your family holidays will be misery. Explain 80/20 and that you prefer to concentrate on the 80 and that you realize the 20 is very important but you are not willing to argue over it. It's really just about choices. Wars are fought over that 20%.

  

The 20% is very, very important in our personal churches in our personal belief systems, in our prayers that our own families say and that our own churches say in common. I don't believe the 20% should be argued over or be the basis of broken relationships.

I know I am not "right", I know my %'s are not exact. I am not a theologian I am a stay at home Mommy, a professional patient and an unprofessional nurse/doctor. This is just my little brain's way of how I make it all work for getting along well in the sandbox of life. Hope it's a bit of a help.

~Blessings~

Lisa