Patience Not Whining

Pope says, "Don't Whine" !

 

Christians “who constantly complain fails to be a good Christian: They become Mr. or Mrs. Whiner, no? Because they always complain about everything, right?” the Pope remarked in his homily at St. Martha’s residence. The Christian response to suffering is “silence in endurance, silence in patience,” he stated.http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/pope-francis-christians-respond-to-suffering-with-patience-not-whining/

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Well.....isn't that a loaded statement??

 

Sigh.

 

Whimper. Oh no.....no whimpering allowed. Be not afraid!

During his Passion, the Pope noted, Jesus “did not speak much, only two or three necessary words. ... But it is not a sad silence; the silence of bearing the cross is not a sad silence. It is painful, often very painful, but it is not sad. The heart is at peace.”

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What do his statements really mean?  Leading a life with multiple diseases sort of qualifies me and my family to give some clarity on this. The Holy Father is perfectly correct. I have been a good example. Not of how to do it right, but what happens when you whine endlessly about your sufferings.

 

We live in a suffering world full of suffering people. It is painful to be alive. It is more so when you have been granted a disease or condition that produces physical suffering. Be it physical, mental, financial, sociological, psychological, familial, there is much suffering that is unseen. For those with medical issues each new diagnosis brings many different types of suffering. Things a person grapples with perhaps for the first time in their lives. It is new ground. New challenges. New suffering.

 

A perfect "right" to complain right?  Nope. Or at least not for long.

 

I have found, like anything else, suffering is a skill. It is like learning and practicing soccer or nuclear science or becoming a parent for the first time. It's a learning experience. We can study and decide to do well  .....or not.

 

At our house, we have more diseases, syndromes, disorders than you can shake a stick at. We are studied by multiple universities, physicians, hospitals and independent researchers. Because we have 8 children from the same parents and we have all these medical problems, we are the perfect lab rats. We are also fertile ground for learning about suffering and hopefully learning to do it well.

 

We are many years into this medical circus and have learned the ropes. At the beginning when my own medical issues really got going I would constantly say without thinking, "My head hurts. My back hurts. My joints hurt" with a pained, anguished look on my face. Was I justified? I suppose so, medically I was justified. But was it fair to my family, friends and co-workers? No. Was I suffering well? No.

 

Those days were also the early days of my conversion to Catholicism and I was devouring books on the saints, spirituality and yes, suffering. It's one of the things I love about being Catholic...suffering is cool, it is embraced. God was so good to give me those things at the same time. He was setting me up for a lifetime of suffering, not only my own but watching my children do the same, which can be much harder.  I was in boot camp. I was in hard core training. I learned what suffering means, how it affects us for the good, what to DO with it, what NOT to do with it. And that it's a mystery we won't understand until Heaven. It's also about choices. Oh boy is it about choices! Choosing to ignore the bad, choosing to see the good when there are overwhelming bad things to deal with. It is so, so much about choices.

 

“This means bearing, carrying the weight of difficulties, the weight of contradictions, the weight of tribulations on our shoulders: this Christian attitude of bearing up, of being patient.”  Another great quote from the above article.

Some types of suffering can be much harder than others. I know many who suffer and we all agree that the long term physical suffering, which can be intense, is nothing to the misunderstandings and judgments of others. Often through no fault of their own, but sometimes because they just don't "get it" or don't want to. This separates the sheep from the goats as far as friends go. Those friends who stick around and themselves suffer because of us, when they are stood up because a medical problem arises or they look forward to a day out shopping and I am in a wheelchair that day and everything is harder for them. How about anticipating a dinner out with me then I am too nauseated to eat so they eat alone cheerfully while I drink tea.

 

 It is also a type suffering to befriend those who are suffering. They are a special breed indeed.

 

 If you have suffering and at some point everyone does......it does no good to make others suffer with you. It won't make your suffering any less to take prisoners. They will only sympathize for a time until they can't stand listening to complaining anymore.  Even if folks care a great deal, they can only be immersed in hearing about it for so long.  Someone can love you very, very much but get weary of listening to the boo-hoos. They will most likely bale.....It's inevitable to try and escape whining....it's painful.

 

Does this mean they don't care?   No.

 

Are there those who don't care?  Yup.

 

That is part of the suffering of suffering. Suffering itself can produce much more suffering if not handled as well as you are able. Learn about suffering. Read about those who are suffering but are still happy.  Read about the Saints, they all suffered but God's light and love shone through them because of it. Master suffering as if it is a new hobby....it is.  You CAN do the impossible. The better you handle it the more sympathy you'll get believe it or not!  The other perk is you do not hurt as much when you don't whine about it. Distract yourself as much as possible. Learn pain management techniques. They work.

 

I do not look for sympathy anymore, it's been 30 years since those whiny days, but because I don't whine, the folks around me ask if I am okay or if anything is hurting or do I need help. My ability to suffer with some self control strangely rewards me with kindness from those who DO care. It is a win/win situation.

 

Our children too, have learned to suffer well. Our pain management doctor who we love told me they learned it by observing. He said they know when I am suffering and they see I don't take it out on them. They jump to help me do anything I need without being asked. If I never do anything else good in my life that accomplishment is such a huge blessing. God is good.

 

 

Suffering gathers those for Christ?

 

Suffering is a great tool for evangelizing. When folks find out I or one of our children suffer and what that entails, they are much more likely to listen to whatever we might be saying about suffering. They know we walk the walk...or trip on the walk as the case may be!  But they see we still have friends, we have family, we have great happiness, we have deep faith, we have it all....except health and money. Health and money the two things the world tells you are the most important. Nope. They see there is happiness beyond perfection which we cannot achieve here, and we are shining examples of imperfection let me tell you!  We say at our house we are like 3-headed turtles out of a nuclear waste dump!

 

Are there terrible, lonely, hard, sad, painful parts of suffering? Yes, indeed, but that will be another post.

 

God loves those who suffer. God sees the pain. God uses the pain and loves when we offer it to him. A greater good will come out of your suffering. Always. Every time. With no exceptions. Embrace it.

 

 

~Blessings~

Lisa

Note: I wrote this post yesterday morning before I heard of Zach's death see Rest in Eternal Peace Zach. It's funny to me I wrote it then watched the video of his last days. He must have suffered tremendously but the joy he exuded is so, so lovely. He is a perfect example of suffering well.