...we were matched with Verity's birthmother!
The other day Verity and I were snuggling and she had her blankie from her
birthmother. When I asked who gave it to her, she said, "Jessica."
"And do you remember who Jessica is?"
"In her
tummy."
"You grew in her tummy?"
"Yes. 'Cause Mommy's tummy is broken."
Then, I hugged her tighter and praised her for remembering.
Later, I cried.
It is one thing to
tell your baby she was adopted from day one. It is another to hear it from her
own voice for the first time.
I've heard it is common for adopted children to wish they grew in their
mother's tummy, around ages 3-5. That makes sense. You know what? I wish that
too. I wish Verity and Gethey grew in my tummy. I wish I were with them every
moment of their lives, been the one to nourish and protect them while they
grew. I wish I had given them birth. I wish that their birthmothers didn't have
to go through the immense pain that they did. Yes, these are crazy wishes. Its
like wishing an In-N-Out burger has zero calories. The heart wishes some
crrraazzzyyy things. If they grew inside me, they would not be them, with their
special DNA, and oh, so stinkin' cute curls. And I would a million and one
times rather have THEM then have had a biological child. When you think about
it, that fact that WE ended up with THEM is a complete and utter miracle of
astounding proportions.
Adoption is
wonderful... of all the people in the world, I can pretty much guarantee you
that I will sing its praises the loudest. But it is a blessing and a gift that
is not without pain. The tears of longing of a not-yet mother, the tears of a
birthmother's shattered heart...it is marked by loss and grief. It is a
beautiful example, I think, of how God weaves magic in this broken world, to
bring about an even greater good. Maybe in a perfect world, everyone who wanted
a baby would have one, and only when they were ready. Maybe no parents would
die. No mother would have to choose an adoption plan for the baby kicking
inside her. Maybe there would be no need for adoption. But this is not a perfect world. It is a world of broken tummies, broken hearts, broken families, broken...everything.
But it IS a world of strength. Strong hearts that long for, search for, and
fight for the children that were meant to be theirs. Strong hearts that love
their children enough to choose the best life for them, even when it feels like
their own lives are ending. And most of all, a God of Wonder, who mends hearts,
fulfills dreams, and entwines lives together in amazing and wondrous ways.
If we were not infertile, we would still have wanted to adopt. I didn't adopt
my girls because I couldn't get pregnant. I adopted them because they were
meant to be mine, and that was somehow written on my heart, theirs, and their
birthmothers'. They are in no way "second" choices. They are the
first and most perfect choices of all. My infertility was a small piece in our
particular puzzle that led to our particular meant-to-be girls. Other people
have different pieces, different arrows, different threads. But for me, my
infertility was a big piece. The pain enlarged my heart, made me the mother I
am. It caused us to prioritize financially for adoption earlier than we may have,
had I gotten pregnant. It may have been a factor in our birthmothers choosing
us in particular.
Maybe in a perfect world my tummy would not be broken. But in a perfect world I
would not have my perfect daughters.
Thank you, God, for my brokenness.This was written by a friend of ours. She and her husband Matthew are both the first born of huge families but were unable to give birth to their own children. Ed and I were not surprised by their generosity of heart in adopting, but we have been so impressed by their dedication in now adopting three children in 3 years! They have jumped feet first into parenthood. Through their pain and disappointment has blossomed service, sacrifice and 3 lovely babies.
I wanted to put this in the blog because I hear so often, the mistaken belief that folks who are prolife don't want to walk the walk of adopting children of Moms who might otherwise have aborted these precious souls. We know multiple families who have adopted children out of their pro life heart. My best friend and her husband adopted a family member's baby after they already had 8 of their own! I lost a friend to cancer who with her husband adopted 11 children of many different cultures and races some with handicaps....but all cherished and loved.
I hope you enjoy the above thoughts by Katheryn as much as I did.
~Blessings~
Lisa
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