I decided to write a silly post about clothing. Yes, clothing. About colours my Mom always wanted me to wear but I wouldn't, about the care of clothing, about cheap clothes and expensive clothes but most importantly about what clothes say and do.
My Mom is a fashion diva. I grew up with the diva but I don't know that I got the diva gene. My Mom is a redhead and very thin and well proportioned...I am not. My Mom can afford expensive clothing....I cannot. My Mom dry cleans much of her clothing....I do not. None of this is to say we're opposite because we're not, we're very similar in general. It's more of a how and why thing. It's one of those things where you figure out magically when you turn 40 how much your Mom knows...it's akin to that turning 21 and all of a sudden your parents become so smart and you can't figure out how that happened!
Mom would always tell me to wear browns, all shades. She encouraged me to wear golds, as in wheat sorts of tones. She said, black is classic, it goes with everything. I wore not one of those until I turned 40...see, it's that "thing". But, as usual Mom knows best and I now have an abundance of warm toned clothing. Turtle necks, skirts, leggings, scarves. I even have a black wool coat!
I suppose I wasn't interested in clothing while I was having babies because I was always covered in spit up of one sort or another. Playdough, paints, markers found their way to the front of my Mommy Uniform of whatever. It was easier to have a set outfit I wore in different colors than to get upset because a small child got me dirty. After all that was my job for 20 years and my husband thought I was beautiful (love is blind you know). However, now that I actually get regular showers, have time to curl my hair (well not exactly right now after the whole bald business!), can wear jewelry without it getting pulled off by a baby, I like clothes again and have more time to give them some attention.
We live modestly at our house because we chose to have 8 children on one income. This doesn't stop me though, from finding things I like at great prices. I am a Goodwill junkie from way back as a child, I love WalMart and for some reason folks like to give me their hand-me-downs which I LOVE. I joke because I have gotten some of my loveliest pieces from those who have had someone they love pass over to the big party in heaven. So with all respect, I get clothes from dead folks. Then there's my Mom who sends me new pieces when she finds something I might like.
Whenever I go home to California, Mom and I go to these awesome designer resale shops. It's super fun and they have great prices. Mom got a gorgeous Coach bag for $35.00 and it ain't no knock-off....my Mom's an expert.! I got the most beautiful, unique skirt, at one of the resale boutiques in Pacific Grove that is my favorite. It has these nifty gathers and lines. See below.....
In the airport I got compliment after compliment then the flight attendants asked where I got it ! It's because it's so unique. I believe it was about $30.00 maybe even less. Lest you think I am prideful about such things please note I live with 7 men.....men who cannot figure out why my skirt is hiked up all funny.....need I say more?
So, second hand is the way to go when you're not Kate Middleton. The only new thing I have that costs much more than I'd ever spend, is my Tom's shoes. Tom's....sigh.....I love my Tom's. Of course it was my Mom who started that love and she has bought all but 1 pair that I have. She's so good to me. Mine are the sparkle Tom's...yes...sparkles. I love sparkly anything. My first two pair were the black sparkles and then PINK sparkles. It just doesn't get any better than that. But then Mom sent a black canvas pair with gold threading all woven in (see second pair below) and I just think those are wonderful. They are as "formal" as Tom's can get but they go beautifully with my long brown peasant skirt.
The practical thing I love about them is the support and comfort they provide. You wouldn't think it by looking at them but they are very comfortable and have a good squish when I step. Squish? Yes. After my first brain surgery I had some hardware placed and this effectively took away the cushion of the muscles in my head,neck and shoulders. Those muscles work like shock absorbers and I have NONE so when I step and don't have some squish, I get a jarring that makes me feel like Muhammad Ali after too many rounds. When I first saw them I thought there was no way I could wear them but after my first try-on I was hooked. Enough about those awesome shoes except a friend just bought me the silver sparkle ones for Christmas....did you hear me.....silver sparkles!!
The other practical and lovely thing about Tom's is their charitable giving. For every pair of Tom's sold they donate another pair to a poor child. Don't even need to say anymore about THAT.
I have learned that taking care of my clothes cleaning wise makes them last a stinkin' long time. I wash in cold water and much of the time air dry. I use Biz to soak stains out and if something is really delicate I use Woolite. I try as hard as possible not to iron so I put them in the dryer for just a few minutes to fluff out the wrinkles.
I started taking better care of my clothes when I got some beautiful handmade skirts that faded when I did my old habit of warm water washing and warm drying. The fabric couldn't take it long term. I have a wonderful friend who started making me my favorite peasant skirt years ago. She has made them in many colours and patterns and I love them. Every time we go to NYC for medical, I get tons of compliments which is funny because you'd think they'd think I was a bit po-dunk. How do you spell po-dunk? But it's true, I get comments all the time on my handmade country skirts. They swing nicely because she uses a ton of fabric and they are so comfortable. I wear them with t-shirts in the summer and turtlenecks and scarves in the winter. Then I was blessed with a new daughter-in-law-to-be who loves sewing as much as I do and my friend who makes the skirts taught her to make them too!!! Boy did I hit the lottery, Lilly has made me several gorgeous skirts that I wear constantly.
Then I got some beautiful hand-me-downs from a friend who retired. A pretty forest green boiled wool sweater and a burgundy wool one were great gifts from her but those puppies have to be dry cleaned and that is not in the budget often. I am just mindful that when I get home from wherever, I take those off and hang them up before eating or doing anything messy. My Mom recently had a dear friend pass away who was a clothes maniac. She sent me about 10 cashmere sweaters in gorgeous colours!! The lottery again I'm telling ya. They are so amazing because when it's in the 30's outside I can wear one without a coat. It's strange how warm they are and they aren't thick at all. After she gave me those, I was at her house and asked for a razor to de-ball one of them. She was aghast of course and hauled me to Ace Hardware for a battery operated de-baller.....really. Now, though, I am a real fan. I de-ball anyone walking by me at home! Watch out if you come to visit. I LOVE that darn thing. It too, like washing gently, keeps things looking new so much longer. Longer is good if you are of humble finances.
What do clothes say about us? How do they make us feel?
What do clothes say about us? I think they can express our personality, I think they represent where we are in our lives sometimes, like when we have multiple babies and a house and husband to care for. I think they say something about your profession and for me they convey a big fat lie. Should I elaborate? In short I run an extensive medical circus in our home. I practically live at Seattle Children's Hospital and various others. This has been quite the journey with many phases and a serious learning curve. I discovered rather quickly that this was going to BE my life and that as hard as it was, as scary or sad, or heart breaking as something might be......I had choices. Choices about my demeanor,choices about appearance, choices about how I felt while doing all the things I do, like more than 60 doses of meds a day here. Like hours of scans all the time, how about hours and days in hem/onc for infusions, driving constantly up and down and up and down I-5 to Children's, up nights, down days, in labs and intensive care. Through it all I always take the time to look dressed for "work", to put on make up, to put my hair up, to put on jewelry. It makes a huge difference in many ways.
Why does that matter in this post? Because so many times when I didn't feel confident at all, I looked it. When I felt ill and would throw up in a bathroom somewhere, wipe my face, fix my hair, hold my head up and no one could tell. Sitting in hospitals endlessly I saw that attitude was everything and clothing/presentation is part of that attitude.
I learned very quickly that looking the part of an educated, calm, higher income parent, I was kept in the loop much better. I was trusted and informed. I find it repulsive and unfair but it's the reality. I am not upper income, I am somewhat educated but I am just a Mommy trying to stay afloat with children who have many rare diseases.
The reality is..... Appearance matters in a superficial world. Now, do I care if I'm running to the grocery? Nope. But, in a cardiologist's, endocrinologist's, bio-chemical geneticist's, neurosurgeon's office.....I need to be professional because I AM in fact a professional.... at medical. A medical Mommy and a patient. As a patient with multiple challenging diagnosis' myself, I need to feel I look pleasant because I do not feel pleasant. Clothing helps me La-La-La through my days. It helps me feel better when I don't. On the rare day I don't dress, do my hair , put on my jewelry, I feel sicker, I feel lazier, I am down. I have to battle this like the plague or I will drown in it since the diagnosis' I carry are progressive and never getting better. Clothing helps me now in a way I couldn't have imagined years ago when I didn't care.
Does it sound stuck up?? If you knew me you'd laugh. Stuck up is hardly in my repertoire of personality traits. It's just as easy to buy a lovely skirt for 4.99 at Goodwill as it is a baggy pair of sweats. It is no more expensive to look put-together then to look disheveled. Put together does not equal stuck up.
On the positive side, I feel better when I look decent. When we're living at the hospital I dress for work because it IS my work. I have make up on, hair done, my professional clothes. And I feel good and I cope better. The blinds are always open, the room clean and organized. This helps the over all medical picture tremendously. It's more cheerful. Consequently, I am confident about whatever disaster may happen that day. It also teaches my children the world does not stop for their medical challenges. That life goes on and it will go on without us if we don't make an effort. It shows them I'm still in the game because they see me in reality and when I La-La-La.. My close friends know that the better I look, the worse I feel. It's combat let me tell you.
So there are reasons for looking your best. It takes some work. It can be therapy. It can mean something beyond what it appears to. And it does not mean you have money, are better than anyone else or self absorbed. Things I sadly admit I thought years ago about those who were fashion conscious. It's nice to get older and get a clue don't you think?
Now, I recognize this is all somewhat superficial and not important in the grand scheme of things. I would be just as happy without the materialistic silliness clothing represents......but I wouldn't be sparkly!
~Blessings~
Lisa
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