The other day my oldest son, 25 years young, asked me in the kitchen, "How old were we when you stopped spanking us, because I cannot remember ever being spanked". He had been having a conversation with some room mates and this was their topic.
First of all my heart surged. He had good memories of his childhood. He didn't remember ever getting in trouble. That means the good far outweighed the hard. Yay. I was so happy and thankful about his question.
As I stood there I could see him long ago in his feet jammies, rumpled hair, yelling and running around with the red satin cape I had sewn for he and his brother, sword held high! Wasn't it yesterday? How could he be 25 and have a full time job and home of his own thinking back on his childhood?
Didn't he remember the days of my exhaustion, grumpy attitude, telling he and his siblings over and over to do this or that? Didn't he remember the chaotic bath/bedtimes and being told to shush and go to sleep? Maybe, but his memories are happy and good of those days.
He was number 2 so I was still new at this Mommy business. It was a little while before I discovered peace amidst the chaos!
I told him we had always had a plan for discipline and that consistency when he was 1,2,3 meant I would not have to discipline near as much at 5,6,7. This has held true for all 8 of our children. We were super consistent not because we are great parents but because in the long run it's easier on us! I wrote about it here Or Else.....
We believe that to discipline is to disciple which means to teach. Our job is not to punish but to make a child see his wrong and want to make it right. To teach them how to do things a better way. Hopefully to make them want to take the High Road in all things. This is/was a tall order but the only one worthy of parents who wish to teach. This is not to say, however, that the kids have not had to make reparation to those they hurt or to make up for deeds that were destructive. Or....that I didn't totally lose it sometimes.
It matters to me a great deal that my children have good memories. I believe this sets them up for a well adjusted life. Not a perfect life but one with a solid foundation. This question from my son made me hopeful that the good will outweigh the more difficult parts of childhood. It was one of those moments as a Mom we all wait for. One of those cherished moments when you know you might have done okay. It was lovely.
~Blessings~
Lisa
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