Choices

Do you have a child who you seem to forever be at odds with?  Is everything a struggle or argument?  If you say yellow socks she says red?  You want khakis for church wear and he says jeans?  How about some oatmeal and they want muffins? This can be a miserable existence.

Here's a helpful hint.  Give them choices. Choices that you like. If they have 2,3,even 4 choices and they are all choices you like then you are happy and they feel they have some control. Some kids need this, others are happy with whatever you choose for them. 

It's not a bad child who needs to exert some control. It isn't something they do to bother you even if it feels that way!  Their personal choices are not a personal attack against you they are just....choices. 

Those kind of kids pop out that way.  An easy going Mom may handle this but a more regimented one may go into fits over trying to force a child into compliance. I've seen this play out with sad, disastrous consequences. It isn't a discipline issue. It's personality. You won't win forcing the issue, you will just be miserable and the child loses.

It can turn into a discipline issue if you are forever arguing over things and they come to expect this with each request. We train them by our actions and reactions.

Sometimes it's how a parent presents the request. If the request is delivered with that sing-song "and I-don't-want-to hear-anything-about-it" at the end, you can count on a response you don't like. Kids know what you expect and if you expect non-compliance you'll get it. I rarely got a grumpy kid after giving them several choices then telling them it was a great choice. 

We even had nurses do this many times in the hospital. One of our sons was repeatedly in the hospital as a small child. The wonderful nurses would give him choices about how he could help them. Important choices that mattered. This took his fears away because that's what most stresses patients out in the hospital....lack of control over what is happening.  He would always choose to flush his own I.V.'s and that helped him be calm and compliant. Those gals knew what they were doing.

Give them choices. It's a great trick, and it's a win/win effort. Try it!

~Blessings~

Lisa