A New Blog for Moms

Hey, I found a new blog that is just awesome. The first post I read was so similar to the way we think at our house that I was instantly interested. It's called Hands Free Mama and she expresses herself so well. Hop on over and check it out if you're still in Mommy boot camp !

http://www.handsfreemama.com/

~Blessings~
Lisa

Do-Si-Do!

We spent the evening tonight at a big square dance. Yes, my family square dances!!  I do not because of the medical mumbo-jumbo, but most everyone else in the family has or does. It's cool!

 The square dance community is a wonderful, all American group of folks. You know, like apple pie, Old Glory, and baseball. We began because our daughter Mary, then 10, wanted to dance after seeing the local group perform at our county fair. They pulled her up on stage and included her and she was instantly enamoured.

We knew the evening during her first class that we had run into something very special, much like the America of yesterday.

The square dance hall, built by the square dancers, is a simple, wooden building much like a cabin, with a beautiful dance floor and little kitchen. It feels like home. It's out in the country and the drive out there is so relaxing and lovely, we really enjoy it. On a warm summer evening, headed out to the hall with windows open and Alan Jackson blaring from the CD player......pure awesomeness!

Here we are eight years later and the folks there are like family to us. They have held benefit dances, auctions, even a pie auction (yum) for our family's medical expenses!  They send us cards while we are in ICU in NYC, they leave messages on our Caring Bridge site and one couple has adopted us financially to get us through the kids' many surgeries. We couldn't have done it without them. Our children have many "grandparents"! They are family to us, they mean a great deal to us. We are blessed.

There is a wide age range in square dancing. From one gentleman who's 95 down to 8 yr olds who dance away with the grown ups. One of our sons was only 9 when he started and now is taller than most of the folks there. Our sons play cards with older gentleman and tease the older gals. It has been a great opportunity for our children to learn the value of older folks.  One Saturday evening our 3 older boys, teens at the time, were standing visiting with one of the very old guys at the hall. A bit later he walked up to me and Ed with tears in his eyes and said, " I wanted to tell you what great boys you have, I can't believe they wanted to stand here and listen to me".   He had been telling them about Normandy....like the storming of the beach at Normandy....because he was there!!! This man's stories were so compelling to our sons, and they were truly interested in what he had to say. They knew he sacrificed much. 

One of the things we all enjoy is the food! Homemade, yummy, never ending food! Root Beer floats, brownies, pies, you name it someone brings it.

Mary's Trifle...Yum!

People.  Relationships.  Caring.  Listening.  Dancing.  Helping.  Eating.  Sharing.  Laughing. Teasing.  Playing.  
This is square dancing.

If you're in need of exercise, entertainment, good music, awesome food and life long friendships look for a square dance club near you!!  (Dancing is much easier than you might imagine and you don't have to wear a skirt and petticoat!)

~Blessings~
Lisa

Our Favorite Granola

Easily 20 years ago my friend Mary gave me her granola recipe. It is the only granola my kids both young and old will eat. I thought I'd share it with you because it's so easy and yummy.

8 c. oatmeal  480g carbs

1c.  wheatgerm (toasted) 48g

1c.  sunflower seeds  28g

1c.  sugar (198g) or Splenda

2 Tbls. cinnamon  12g

1c. vegetable or coconut oil

3/4 c. honey  210g

*In a large mixing bowl, mix the 5 above dry ingredients.

*In a saucepan mix the oil and honey and heat until boiling and you see a foam.

*Remove oil/honey from heat and pour over dry mixture and mix thoroughly until all the oats look damp.

*Pour into 2 large cookie sheets and bake at 325 for 13 minutes then turn granola over and put back in an additional 13 minutes.

*Let cool then place in airtight container.

*add raisins, nuts, dried cranberries anything you like

1c. = 35g carbs

An Army WIfe

This is a re-post. On this Memorial Day my friend is still in her race as a military wife but now she is in the middle of her husband's FIFTH deployment.  She is still running in marathons , still supporting the soldiers and their families and still fighting for Jeremy and his service dog. Please get a cup of coffee and read about my lovely friend and her family who have lost many soldiers and in their wonderful way support the dependents left behind.
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On this Memorial Day morning I awoke at 4 AM from medical mumbo going on and finally gave up sleeping and turned on the computer to Facebook. The first post I saw was from my friend who is the organizer for a run in her hometown of Yelm, WA, called Wear Blue Run to Remember. It honors those soldiers fallen in defense of our country. It's held today on Memorial Day and she was up at 3:45 AM preparing.

She has been running all week for the fallen soldiers she and her husband were honored to know and love and for those they never knew. That's the military life. They stick together to remember.

Wear Blue To Remember 2014

The friend above I have known for many years. She's an Army Wife. I capitalize that because I consider it a title. A title difficult to possess. She would not agree. She would say it was her choice, her honor, her duty and her Call from God.

This is what is on her blog.....

Lord grant me the greatness of heart to see,
The difference in duty and his love for me.Give me the understanding to know,
That when duty calls he must go.Give me a task to do each day,
To fill the time when he is away.And Lord, when duty is in the field,
Please protect him and be his shield

When I met Amanda she was our new next door neighbor with 4 little boys and a handsome, tall, quiet, soldier husband, Paul. We became fast friends being Moms of many boys, Christians and both deeply committed to family life. The kids played, we visited, had coffee and we shared the bond that we had, big families and children with serious medical issues.

Then came 911.
Then Paul was deployed to Iraq on the front lines with a Stryker unit. Deep breath. We watched how the family prepared. How they had to get their affairs in order just in case.....  My husband shook Paul's hand the night before he deployed and told him we would watch over his family. We shared a tiny part of their sacrifice. 

That year was so stinkin' hard on them. She was amazing, the kids missed their Daddy terribly but their lives went on. Amanda took on things I am sure she never thought she could. She endured. Sitting nights making a beautiful scrap book for Paul and not sleeping.  She waited for the knock, knock, knock sound on her computer to tell her Paul was online and therefore alive.  She took care of and schooled 4 little boys alone. She kept house, paid bills, made meals, went to church....
 and endured some more.

I am not an army gal but have grown up around the military all my life having been born in a town with a large army base, Fort Ord, then moving to another state and town with another base, Joint Base Lewis McChord. I have always loved military families but not living on the inside, cannot ever understand their unique lives.

I'm writing because I admire the transformation of my friend from a young, green Army wife to a warrior. Yes, her husband, after now 5 deployments...yes FIVE of a year or more since the war began, is definitely a warrior but she too shares that title. Through those 5 deployments and the joy and difficulty of him coming home, she is now someone who has run the family support groups, been in charge of home coming celebrations, funerals and supported other wives during their grief over losing their husbands and much more. She embraced this military life and gives back.

Amanda has grown into a rock for other wives and families. She knows the ropes and shares the way. She mentors and hopes the young wives will "get it" and learn to be strong through their fear and worry and sometimes grief.

I think of her often when I see anything patriotic. Our family has prayed a bazillion prayers for their family while Paul was deployed. I have just random thoughts from a non-military brain that don't fit into paragraphs......

* How on earth do you say goodbye and watch your spouse leave for a war zone?


*How do you tell the kids he's going AGAIN?
 

* How do you deal with your children's fears and insecurities and anger when you yourself are trying to do the same?
 

*How do you wait, wait, then wait some more for the computer to tell you he's online waiting to communicate? The waiting.....
 

*How do you hear the T.V. news and the always negative garbage spewing from them regarding our military without becoming resentful?
 

*How do you see the other families in church with their Daddys and keep smiling?
 

*How do you raise 4 little (now BIG) rambunctious boys with all their dirt, toys, arguing and markers on the wall, (now driving and college apps) alone?
 

*How do you sleep when you know there could be a knock on the door anytime with no warning?
 

*How do you pay bills with the ridiculous salary the army pays, yet you are giving your all to them?
 

*How do you sit in the hospital with a child having seizure after seizure without his Daddy?
 

*How do you get ready for Christmas, birthdays and summer BBQs without him years at a time?
 

*How do you both live life in the now yet constantly live for his homecoming?
 

*How do you deal with the husband who returns who is not the man who left? War has changed him and you have been warned.
 

*How do you let go and do it all again and again and again?

    I could go on and on. I do not know how military wives do it. They are a special breed of brave, those who do this well and stay in and keep intact families. They, too, deserve our patriotic cheers and thank yous and support. I couldn't do it. Therein lies the secret.  I am not asked to do it. It is their Call. God has called them to a very unique and difficult life that is many times not their own. But He is there to support and hand out bravery, grace, confidence and see the tears.

   The gal I met 13 years ago is so darn far from the woman who now stands confident and sure and graceful. She has endured and grown and laughed and cried and stood by her soldier. She is the All American Wife and Mom. If you care to go through the last couple deployments you can read  Amanda's blog.  It's rough and lovey at the same time.

So....today on Memorial Day I am so, so thankful I do not have to mourn with her. After/during  five long deployments and losing many buddies and his own men, Paul is still with us, along with several Bronze Stars. He is a man his sons are proud of, a man with an impeccable military record. He wouldn't like me writing that, but oh well. We are honored to know a family like this because they are what America stands for....why America stands at all. 

~Blessings~

Lisa

Memorial Day is Not National BBQ Day

I know these little slogans are everywhere but it's important we remember it isn't just a 3 day weekend. There are thousands of people who mourn thousands of fallen soldiers all over our great country. It isn't just something to say, it is something to think about, pray about, be grateful for and most importantly teach our children. 

Our fallen soldiers died for Republicans, Democrats, all races and all religions because they themselves were all races and religions. We need to think about kindness and mercy towards each other to honor their lives.

We have to remember too, it isn't only the latest fallen ,but those who many years ago died to keep us free or way back to our beginnings to win our freedom the first time. Teach your children., read a bit of history, do a little research.

~FREEDOM REALLY ISN'T FREE~

Have a lovely day Monday, celebrate your freedom, say a toast, remember the fallen if only for a moment but please, out of respect, don't wish people a Happy Memorial Day it isn't so happy for many.

~Blessings~

Lisa

Perfection and the Quilts

I was born a perfectionist and it has plagued me all my life. But recently I was shown that maybe, kinda, sorta, I have come a long way out of perfection into reality. Something in life has come full circle.

When I was in 8th grade I wanted to make a quilt for my Mom. At that time in the 70's rust and navy blue were popular colors so off to the fabric store, Beverly Fabrics,  I went. I remember pouring over a million fabrics to get just the right ones my mother would love and that would compliment each other.

I spent a lot of time with a paper grid arranging and rearranging the pattern.  I spent a lot of time measuring, cutting and piecing her quilt together. When it was done it had hundreds of pieces; squares and even some triangles (not the way to start a first quilt!).

This quilt was sewn by hand....all of it. I was 13 years old.

When I finished it and then put it together my Mom loved it. I did not. She showed it to anyone who walked in the door. I pointed out all the mistakes. They were all I saw when I looked at it. No matter how lovely anyone thought it was, I made sure they knew it was not good enough.

Not good enough. The scourge of perfectionist.

One day when I had pointed out the imperfect parts of her quilt, My Mom took me aside and was angry. Well, as angry as she ever got which wasn't much. She told me it was wrong to point out all the imperfections of her quilt. She said it was beautiful and specially made for her and that there were no perfect quilts. I never pointed out those imperfections again to anyone but I thought it every time she brought it out.

Recently my son's girlfriend Lilly made an amazing, beautiful, gorgeous, king size quilt for my son Joe for his birthday. It truly is beautiful and her first attempt!!  It had to have taken so much thought and time and love. 

When he opened it we were all oohing and aahing and she began to point out where all the imperfections were!!!  Okay God....I finally get it.....35 years later!  I get it. That quilt I made for my Mother and Lilly made for Joe is nothing but love. Love for a person and work for that person and thought about that person and perhaps prayer for that person. No imperfection can change that.  None. Ever.

What is with this perfection thing? It's horrible. My best friend is a serial perfectionist too so we have tried hard to encourage each other OUT of perfection. Because we are in our 40's we can laugh now at how ridiculous it is to be a perfectionist because of course you cannot attain the unattainable. We commiserate about all the times we were like hamsters on a wheel trying to attain perfection in every part of our lives. It's a drive, a compulsion, an inborn trait. It stinks. We've spent hours talking and laughing and shaking our heads at ourselves then sharing how far we've come.

There is also a positive side to this. Being a perfectionist also drives a person to want the best for others and to do the best for them. I have been afflicted my whole life but I have never demanded perfection from others....Thank You God...really. That would be a nightmare for my family.  What's really funny is I am uber understanding of the imperfections in my children. It's always been important to me to make sure they felt loved just as they are. That their imperfections are marks of a human, a lovely unique human. Why I cannot apply that to myself is beyond me.

 I can tolerate imperfections much better now. I can make a quilt, a dress, some curtains and although things are pretty regulated as far as measurements etc. I am much more relaxed.  Yay me!!  When things are stressful however, I can revert back to being a crazy person but I try really hard to control it.

I have several children who are perfectionists. I now know it's not my fault because these children were born that way and so was I. No matter what I say or how much I compliment them they have a standard to which they cannot measure. All I can do is share my own struggles and how much nicer it is to accept things that are not just so. 

I can even rejoice in the imperfect now. It has character, uniqueness, it's special. Perfect is not special.

~Blessings~
      Lisa

Or Else.....

Do you think threatening a child to comply works?

I don't think so and it is destructive to you both.

If you are going to say," Blah, blah, blah, or else I'm going to....." You better mean it and instantly get up and do whatever your blah, blah, blah meant! Every time.

I have visited with many, many Moms over my 8 child career and they always want to know how to get children to behave.  My first answer is ALWAYS say what you mean and FOLLOW THROUGH.  That is much of the battle of well behaved kids. Consistency!

When you are consistent when they're 2 you will not have to be saying "or else" when they're 7. I promise.  I am not Super Mom and my children certainly have never been perfect but it has worked for me for 27 years with 8 buggers so I have time on my side!

I have watched countless times, a Mom sit and say to little Suzy-Q, "If you don't put that down I'm going to take it awaa-aaay (you know that sing-song oh-so-irritating way Moms give a warning). But rarely and I mean rarely will they actually get up from what they're doing to GO GET IT when Suzy-Q doesn't put it down.  It is a lot of effort to get up or walk over every time.

How about in the car, "If you guys don't stop I'm pulling over"......yeah...how many Moms do you know actually pull over and stop the car?  Not many.  It's these sorts of antics that train children to disobey or ignore you. They are not going to be compliant when they know nothing is going to happen except you saying it over and over. Big deal, say it over and over. They are experts at tuning you OUT. 

If you give some sort of order, command, lovely request, whatever you want to call it.....you'd better be prepared to get your rear off the couch and DO IT.  I'm telling you it's that simple. Irritating that you have to be a Jack-in-the-Box...yes, but simple.  You'll be shocked at how much better behaved your child is after trying it. If this is done consistently you will not have to do it later because when you say something or give an "or else" they KNOW you will do it.  Simple.

Doesn't it sound easy? Well it's not, because they only want to do naughty or unsafe things when you are writing your blog or having coffee with a friend or cooking dinner or for sure when you are on the phone!  You want to practice this new skill? Get on the phone. You know how that goes. No one cares what you're doing until you get on the phone. Even while on the phone, you must be willing to say ,"Excuse me for a second" to whoever is on the line while you handle the behaviour or you are training them to know it's a free for all when Mom's on the phone.

Simple, simple, simple.  But hard.

Moms often don't realize by their own behaviour they are training their children. If it's pointed out to them it's always a shock because normally their behaviour is a reaction not a thought-out way to handle their child's actions.  Think Moms. Do you want to be spoken to they way you speak when you need correcting?  If you are yelling, scolding, spanking because you're irritated that's not the right reason or time. By the time you are irritated the behaviour has been going on for a bit right??  It's because you've let it go and know you're ready to flip-out!

Handle it the first or second time and you won't blow a fuse ladies.

When a Mom remains in control she is much more efficient. The screaming, yelling finger pointing garbage just plain doesn't work. And if it does, it's only to shut you up.....how does that make you feel?

Follow through with instructions, commands, requests. Follow through EVERY TIME.  Your "or else's" better mean something so be careful what you say.

I promise 100% that this will help get better behaviour from your children. It just requires self discipline which is rough to come by as a Mommy of young children sometimes. Try. Try hard. It will make a difference.

~Blessings~

Lisa

1,2,3,4,5..... Yes, They're ALL Ours.

I could write a book on what I have learned having 8 children. I decided it's confession time and I want to tell you about a time of bad manners, judgment and an apology.......

When Ed and I were expecting our twins, numbers 7 & 8, we were out shopping with all the kids (I had been on months of bed rest so was illegally up). A young couple was staring at us and with fingers bobbing up and down and silently mouthing/counting how many children we had.  This was not uncommon anywhere we went even though the kids were well behaved. It was simply the number that attracted attention.

I was having a hormonal, over protective , grumpy day and I said very loudly," SIX there are SIX, and more on the way!" I huffed off, shaking my head, feeling very angry at having to defend a family no one except my husband and God had to provide for. 

Not a pretty moment.

Now, this is definitely not my normal reaction to even the rudest people. It is quite the opposite, very unusual. Even my poor husband was shocked and said nothing as I walked away.  I am normally Little Miss Manners, attempting to show how wonderful a large family is. Occasionally, when I receive a rude comment, I give some sly, sweet, tongue in cheek answer that may slap someone in the face, but they wouldn't know it until 5 minutes later with a puzzled look on their face. But still, delivered with honey!

Only minutes after my rude outburst I walked quickly (well as quickly as a mother pregnant with twins can walk!) to find them. I apologized profusely and they broke into huge smiles, telling me they were newlyweds and were both from large families and couldn't wait to have as many as we had.

Mea Culpa.  Big Time.

Bad person alert.

Jerk of the year.

Crazy pregnant woman. 

Ill mannered, ill tempered wench. 

You name it, I felt it.

This encounter shows-to-go-ya we do not know what folks are thinking when we are noticed out in public (which is constant). The reactions have been super varied over the years and they are quite different in different regions of the country. In a nutshell (with exceptions), on the west coast, children are a liability to the green attitude. You know, making our carbon footprint waaaaaay too deep.  Whatever. We use and reuse things far more than most folks.

On the east coast, in particular New York City, big families are far more appreciated.  We have never had a negative comment in NYC, on the contrary almost everyone says, "Well, God bless you!! Big families are a blessing!". That still surprises me because I always thought New Yorkers were more material oriented. Nope. They are family folks big time. Much better reactions out of New Yorkers than anywhere we've ever been. No wonder we love New York!

So, I was a judgmental jerk and it taught me a valuable lesson. Thankfully that couple was so kind and warm hearted!

Okay, that is my 1,2,3,4....now there are EIGHT confession.

~Blessings~

 Lisa

Are They Asking?

Well intentioned advice (or maybe not so well intentioned). We've all received it. We've been helped or maybe even been offended by it. There is a serious over abundance of those who know everything and are willing to share with us....whether we want to hear it or not.

 I have run into this in so many ways from breastfeeding to birth control to schooling to medical issues to nutrition to spiritual matters and everything in between...and before ....and after.

I was recently having a conversation with one of my children about their concern for a friend heading in the wrong direction. She was concerned and afraid for her friend. She wanted kindly to set her straight. Noble. Kind. Lovely. Probably unwanted....

Young adulthood is a noble time for most young folks. It is a time for high ideals, righteous behavior, critical thinking, and all the things that come with youth.......but not a lot of life experience.

I, too, wanted to save the world. I wanted to convert the world for Christ. I wanted to convert the world back to the value of family and children. I cared, still do. I gave my oh-so-lofty opinions freely. Therein lies a problem. I was also at times perceived as judgmental and although that was not my intent, if the person was not asking my opinion or for my infinite (insert sarcasm here) wisdom it was judgmental because I was not walking in their shoes. By giving my opinion it conveyed what they were doing was not correct.

Not nice.

www.thiswebguy.com

Because I have been on the receiving end of someone's unsolicited advice many, many times, I learned how painful it can be.  To be judged by someone who sees only moments of my life is a deep jab. I would ultimately end up avoiding them. I learned from my Mom who is the most non-judgmental person I know, to refrain from giving an unsolicited opinion or advice. She has always held her tongue unless asked and practices that skill to this day with me and she is one of the first people I will go to for advice because of it!

 After many years and some not so pretty consequences I have learned to shut up in the advice giving business unless asked. And believe it or not I am asked frequently for an opinion because I don't give it freely.  I look back and feel bad at all the times I thought I could "fix" someone or their problems. I should have carried a sign reading: Humility Needed.

I like being 48. I would not go backward in time for anything. I love that I am finally getting it  (in some areas anyway). I am not so in love with the physical aspects however, but that's another post!  As my Dad says, "Every year I get shorter and fatter. Pretty soon I'll be 3 inches high and a mile around...like a puddle!!"  He's too funny. He also says he is chronologically challenged....me too.  But in that challenge is a bit more wisdom and verbal self restraint to keep my opinions to myself.

~Blessings~
Lisa

Patience Not Whining

Pope says, "Don't Whine" !

 

Christians “who constantly complain fails to be a good Christian: They become Mr. or Mrs. Whiner, no? Because they always complain about everything, right?” the Pope remarked in his homily at St. Martha’s residence. The Christian response to suffering is “silence in endurance, silence in patience,” he stated.http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/pope-francis-christians-respond-to-suffering-with-patience-not-whining/

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Well.....isn't that a loaded statement??

 

Sigh.

 

Whimper. Oh no.....no whimpering allowed. Be not afraid!

During his Passion, the Pope noted, Jesus “did not speak much, only two or three necessary words. ... But it is not a sad silence; the silence of bearing the cross is not a sad silence. It is painful, often very painful, but it is not sad. The heart is at peace.”

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What do his statements really mean?  Leading a life with multiple diseases sort of qualifies me and my family to give some clarity on this. The Holy Father is perfectly correct. I have been a good example. Not of how to do it right, but what happens when you whine endlessly about your sufferings.

 

We live in a suffering world full of suffering people. It is painful to be alive. It is more so when you have been granted a disease or condition that produces physical suffering. Be it physical, mental, financial, sociological, psychological, familial, there is much suffering that is unseen. For those with medical issues each new diagnosis brings many different types of suffering. Things a person grapples with perhaps for the first time in their lives. It is new ground. New challenges. New suffering.

 

A perfect "right" to complain right?  Nope. Or at least not for long.

 

I have found, like anything else, suffering is a skill. It is like learning and practicing soccer or nuclear science or becoming a parent for the first time. It's a learning experience. We can study and decide to do well  .....or not.

 

At our house, we have more diseases, syndromes, disorders than you can shake a stick at. We are studied by multiple universities, physicians, hospitals and independent researchers. Because we have 8 children from the same parents and we have all these medical problems, we are the perfect lab rats. We are also fertile ground for learning about suffering and hopefully learning to do it well.

 

We are many years into this medical circus and have learned the ropes. At the beginning when my own medical issues really got going I would constantly say without thinking, "My head hurts. My back hurts. My joints hurt" with a pained, anguished look on my face. Was I justified? I suppose so, medically I was justified. But was it fair to my family, friends and co-workers? No. Was I suffering well? No.

 

Those days were also the early days of my conversion to Catholicism and I was devouring books on the saints, spirituality and yes, suffering. It's one of the things I love about being Catholic...suffering is cool, it is embraced. God was so good to give me those things at the same time. He was setting me up for a lifetime of suffering, not only my own but watching my children do the same, which can be much harder.  I was in boot camp. I was in hard core training. I learned what suffering means, how it affects us for the good, what to DO with it, what NOT to do with it. And that it's a mystery we won't understand until Heaven. It's also about choices. Oh boy is it about choices! Choosing to ignore the bad, choosing to see the good when there are overwhelming bad things to deal with. It is so, so much about choices.

 

“This means bearing, carrying the weight of difficulties, the weight of contradictions, the weight of tribulations on our shoulders: this Christian attitude of bearing up, of being patient.”  Another great quote from the above article.

Some types of suffering can be much harder than others. I know many who suffer and we all agree that the long term physical suffering, which can be intense, is nothing to the misunderstandings and judgments of others. Often through no fault of their own, but sometimes because they just don't "get it" or don't want to. This separates the sheep from the goats as far as friends go. Those friends who stick around and themselves suffer because of us, when they are stood up because a medical problem arises or they look forward to a day out shopping and I am in a wheelchair that day and everything is harder for them. How about anticipating a dinner out with me then I am too nauseated to eat so they eat alone cheerfully while I drink tea.

 

 It is also a type suffering to befriend those who are suffering. They are a special breed indeed.

 

 If you have suffering and at some point everyone does......it does no good to make others suffer with you. It won't make your suffering any less to take prisoners. They will only sympathize for a time until they can't stand listening to complaining anymore.  Even if folks care a great deal, they can only be immersed in hearing about it for so long.  Someone can love you very, very much but get weary of listening to the boo-hoos. They will most likely bale.....It's inevitable to try and escape whining....it's painful.

 

Does this mean they don't care?   No.

 

Are there those who don't care?  Yup.

 

That is part of the suffering of suffering. Suffering itself can produce much more suffering if not handled as well as you are able. Learn about suffering. Read about those who are suffering but are still happy.  Read about the Saints, they all suffered but God's light and love shone through them because of it. Master suffering as if it is a new hobby....it is.  You CAN do the impossible. The better you handle it the more sympathy you'll get believe it or not!  The other perk is you do not hurt as much when you don't whine about it. Distract yourself as much as possible. Learn pain management techniques. They work.

 

I do not look for sympathy anymore, it's been 30 years since those whiny days, but because I don't whine, the folks around me ask if I am okay or if anything is hurting or do I need help. My ability to suffer with some self control strangely rewards me with kindness from those who DO care. It is a win/win situation.

 

Our children too, have learned to suffer well. Our pain management doctor who we love told me they learned it by observing. He said they know when I am suffering and they see I don't take it out on them. They jump to help me do anything I need without being asked. If I never do anything else good in my life that accomplishment is such a huge blessing. God is good.

 

 

Suffering gathers those for Christ?

 

Suffering is a great tool for evangelizing. When folks find out I or one of our children suffer and what that entails, they are much more likely to listen to whatever we might be saying about suffering. They know we walk the walk...or trip on the walk as the case may be!  But they see we still have friends, we have family, we have great happiness, we have deep faith, we have it all....except health and money. Health and money the two things the world tells you are the most important. Nope. They see there is happiness beyond perfection which we cannot achieve here, and we are shining examples of imperfection let me tell you!  We say at our house we are like 3-headed turtles out of a nuclear waste dump!

 

Are there terrible, lonely, hard, sad, painful parts of suffering? Yes, indeed, but that will be another post.

 

God loves those who suffer. God sees the pain. God uses the pain and loves when we offer it to him. A greater good will come out of your suffering. Always. Every time. With no exceptions. Embrace it.

 

 

~Blessings~

Lisa

Note: I wrote this post yesterday morning before I heard of Zach's death see Rest in Eternal Peace Zach. It's funny to me I wrote it then watched the video of his last days. He must have suffered tremendously but the joy he exuded is so, so lovely. He is a perfect example of suffering well.

Rest in Eternal Peace Zach.....

                                                               Zach Sobiech

This kid died today.....he went "home" in an awesome way. The video is so amazing about Zach's last days. Amazing isn't a good enough word.

.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-just-died-what-he-left-behind-is-wondtacular-rip?g=3&c=ufb1

Sometimes words aren't good enough.....

But sometimes singing them is.

ENJOY

 

Modesty ~ Top 12 reasons I Love Dresses

   Modesty. That word can conjure up totally opposite points of view on it's definition.  Modesty is a big deal at our house. Oh, not in the sense that we obsess about it or have "rules" or "make" our girls wear dresses but it is a way of being for both girls and boys.

   Many, many years ago I decided I liked skirts and dresses more than pants. There were a variety of reasons, comfort being one of them, I do not like feeling bound by pants....it bugs me.  I have always been a foof...you know, a girlie girl. I have never been a tomboy, never played sports, blah, blah, blah. Being able to wear dresses and skirts all the time was a treat to me.

My opinions have also been formed by the men in my life....7 to be exact. I have a husband and 6 sons.

   Do I think ladies who choose to wear pants are deficient in some way? Nope. Do I pass a judgment on those who wear pants? Nope, it doesn't even occur to me.  I do have opinions and strong ones, but they don't apply to others, only myself.  It is funny though; when new friends or acquaintances ask why I do not wear pants they almost always make some sort of excuse as if I care. It's very funny. This is the identical phenomenon when folks learn we have 8 children. Inevitably we hear why they wanted more but couldn't have them or tell us why they only have 1 or 2 or something of that nature. 

   Here are some thoughts regarding modesty....

1. It's pretty. Pure and simple. Pretty.

2. I feel like a girl, like a Mommy, like a Wife when I am dressed traditionally.

3. It takes many pounds off wearing a skirt or dress. (Really good reason!)

4. I get compliments constantly....and many from men. Now mind you, I am not thin, beautiful or blond. But I get compliments wherever I go because of my mode of dress.

5. I feel like I can speak to men in a way that they feel at ease. They are not having to avert their gaze because of too much showing, they cannot see every line of my undergarments when I walk away. I feel like I am not adding to the constant temptation of men in the times in which we live. I am safe.

6.  Little girls say all the time, "LOOK...A Princess"! It is so sweet and lovely.

7.  I love how a full skirt swishes around my legs. I feel like a GIRL.

8.  It reminds me to behave like a lady because I look like one.

9.  I believe the parts of me I choose to cover belong to my husband.

10.  I love how our girls look...feminine.  We never made them wear skirts and in fact bought jeans and stretch pants when they were little but they wouldn't wear them.

11. I love how our sons have chosen modest girls. It warms our hearts that they see what is inside and that the girls know how sacred their bodies are.

12.  As a Christian I believe it says something. My mode of dress is an expression of my character.

          Note: I do not think someone is "bad" for wearing pants.

   I asked a famous and wonderful priest one time what modesty meant. He said it is something subjective because of traditions in a country or region. What I believe it means is respect....real respect for oneself and the protection of men.  I know, I know, I don't want to hear the whole feminist rhetoric of ,"They need to control themselves, they need to just get over it, etc."  Of course every man must assume responsibility for himself....However, if you think I am going to babysit your chocolate cake and there won't be some gone.......uhhhhh, need I say more?
We bear some responsibility for our fellow human beings temptation wise.  I would never offer a drink to a friend with alcohol problems and I am not going to offer body parts to any man who these days, through no fault of his own is over saturated with women in tight or no clothes. It matters to me. 

~Blessings~

      Lisa

  

Brown, Black, Yellow, White.....

    It's been awhile since I have written with all that goes on after being away from home for 2 months! I enjoy this so much though, that I am making time to write, if only for myself.

    I was at Seattle Children's Hospital (as usual) this week and Steven and I were having a lunch break between 5 appointments. As we sat in the cafeteria we both watched the many and myriad types of folks coming in and out. Nurses, doctors, therapists, patients, parents......of all different colors. This is nothing unusual in our part of the world but I noticed it simply because so many gathered in their own "likeness".

    I am not a political junky like my husband and he can fact me under the table, but I have my own little box of knowledge and political correctness is something I cannot stand. It takes the dignity of our God given humanity from us. The reason I mention it is because I saw something that could have been thought of as exclusionary but it was actually something lovely.

    At a table across from ours sat a couple of folks speaking Spanish. After awhile it became a table of 8 all speaking Spanish. The inhabitants were physicians, nurses, and other medical personnel. It struck me how nice it must be if English is your second language to have lunch and relax with others who are like you in some way.  To be able to just converse without having to think must be nice and feel so normal after speaking all morning in a second language. In their positions in the hospital they probably speak using their bi-lingual abilities or maybe not, maybe all in English.  I thought it was so nice they could just have lunch and gab away in their native tongue.

    Now, I realize the media are the ones who often make most of the mountains out of mole hills in race relations, but there are those who could object to the scene I described by saying it was exclusionary.  I sat there thinking about how New York City was many years ago with Little Italy, China Town and all the areas designated for a particular ethnic group such as Polish, Irish, Puerto Rican. Was it exclusionary or was it a family of families? A security in a new world. I think this is a lovely thing. 

    I saw it too when we were at Ronald McDonald House in New York. Those whose native language was Spanish tended to migrate towards each other because of something shared.  Those who were black did the same. All of them also visited with everyone else but they held a common bond to some residents and I imagine it was very relaxing and comfortable in a difficult time.

    I know there are still those who, sadly, are racist. But I do not believe there are as many as the media would like to stir up with their politically correct accusations . My husband is a mailman and his office is made up of every nationality on the planet practically. They tell racial jokes all the time....about themselves and each other. There are no racists there; only fun and camaraderie.  If someone were to walk in they might be shocked but the letter carriers all know they like one another and are laughing at the things that make us different. This is NOT racism.

    I believe there should be clubs and groups of only one race or sex. I do not think it is racist or sexist to have all of one kind of anything.  So much of life is about how you look at something.  Are you being excluded or are you just not a turtle in a group of turtles?  How about a group of musicians? Can a non-musician who cannot hold a tune or play an instrument litigate his way into the band??  This race business has exploded into stupidity in so many ways. I say again however, I KNOW there are still idiots who are racist and their malicious ways are not what I am writing about here.  I am talking about perceptions.

    Anyway, I just wanted to share my observation from the other day and that I am thankful I could see the warm fuzzies in it as opposed to feeling left out.  We have to relax, we need to attempt to see the good in a given situation and if we can't, work on it.  I believe it's our current social obsession with self that makes us see things in terms of ourselves first instead of others first. This is not healthy.

    I would love to see a whole book on all the interracial positive actions, collaborations etc. I have my own stories from my family both white to black and black to white. I know many friends who have the same. Hey....maybe I'll write the book!

~Blessings~
Lisa