Well intentioned advice (or maybe not so well intentioned). We've all received it. We've been helped or maybe even been offended by it. There is a serious over abundance of those who know everything and are willing to share with us....whether we want to hear it or not.
I have run into this in so many ways from breastfeeding to birth control to schooling to medical issues to nutrition to spiritual matters and everything in between...and before ....and after.
I was recently having a conversation with one of my children about their concern for a friend heading in the wrong direction. She was concerned and afraid for her friend. She wanted kindly to set her straight. Noble. Kind. Lovely. Probably unwanted....
Young adulthood is a noble time for most young folks. It is a time for high ideals, righteous behavior, critical thinking, and all the things that come with youth.......but not a lot of life experience.
I, too, wanted to save the world. I wanted to convert the world for Christ. I wanted to convert the world back to the value of family and children. I cared, still do. I gave my oh-so-lofty opinions freely. Therein lies a problem. I was also at times perceived as judgmental and although that was not my intent, if the person was not asking my opinion or for my infinite (insert sarcasm here) wisdom it was judgmental because I was not walking in their shoes. By giving my opinion it conveyed what they were doing was not correct.
Because I have been on the receiving end of someone's unsolicited advice many, many times, I learned how painful it can be. To be judged by someone who sees only moments of my life is a deep jab. I would ultimately end up avoiding them. I learned from my Mom who is the most non-judgmental person I know, to refrain from giving an unsolicited opinion or advice. She has always held her tongue unless asked and practices that skill to this day with me and she is one of the first people I will go to for advice because of it!
After many years and some not so pretty consequences I have learned to shut up in the advice giving business unless asked. And believe it or not I am asked frequently for an opinion because I don't give it freely. I look back and feel bad at all the times I thought I could "fix" someone or their problems. I should have carried a sign reading: Humility Needed.
I like being 48. I would not go backward in time for anything. I love that I am finally getting it (in some areas anyway). I am not so in love with the physical aspects however, but that's another post! As my Dad says, "Every year I get shorter and fatter. Pretty soon I'll be 3 inches high and a mile around...like a puddle!!" He's too funny. He also says he is chronologically challenged....me too. But in that challenge is a bit more wisdom and verbal self restraint to keep my opinions to myself.
~Blessings~
Lisa
~Blessings~
Lisa
Thinking about The Golden Rule: "whatever you wish others would do to you, do also to them.". And that with the measure we judge others, we ourselves will be judged. There is a proper way to confront others, but it requires examining yourself to make sure you are not guilty of that very thing. In the way that we forgive others, we will be forgiven.
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I agree Amy. I finally figured out the less I inject my opinion the MORE folks ask for it because they don't feel judged! Cracks me up.
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