Unconditional Attention

"I sent her a note thanking her for being so ‘there’ during our lunch. I didn’t know how else to express my joy. She wrote back, ‘I was there, fully there, because I wanted to be.’ It was wonderful. And maybe it was a silly thing to thank someone for, but to me, today, anyone’s time and attention feels like such a huge gift."

"Unconditional attention is just as important as love sometimes.”

These are two short excerpts from a favorite blog of mine,  Hands Free Mama.

"Unconditional attention is just as important as love sometimes."...... and maybe the same thing. I run into conditional attention often....so often. I see it in public, I experience it with my adult children, my husband and I can get my feelings hurt by friends who divide their attention when with me. I only give a certain percentage of my attention depending on what I may be doing.This is a new cultural phenomenon. It is not a good one.

Being a Mom of a large family and especially one that homeschools, time with unconditional attention is precious. Time connecting with my children is what my life is about. Especially now.

In the days before I had multiple brain surgeries and went from a 100mph speedway gal to a school zone gal of a whopping 25 mph, I never stopped in the day except for my 10 minute power naps. I lived on a schedule, had goals and had more than enough to do each day for my children and husband. My life revolved around them and each day I served them with all of my heart and soul. This is what I had always wanted, then was blessed to be able to do. I tried my hardest (and sometimes failed) to stop and pay attention anytime any of them needed to show me something wonderful or tell me something important.  But I was always needing to get to the next thing so they did not get unconditional attention.

After my first surgery I spent a long time living in constant guilt and sadness that I was not the mom to my younger 3 that I had been to the first 5. This was something I had always sworn would not happen...that I would not poop out in the homestretch.  Now I was not able to do field trips or hikes or, for awhile, even go outside. In the wheelchair was how they saw me, not the always-walking-fast me from before. I couldn't just throw them in the van and go to the zoo for the day or spend time at friends' house on the spur of the moment like we used to.  Guilt, guilt, guilt.

One day as I lay reading to them I realized with a bang that I WAS LAYING THERE READING TO THEM!  Big DUH.  I was thrilled. I was happy. I was shocked. It was okay that I was not doing things for them. I was with them....unconditionally.

How can a relatively smart Mom be so darn dumb? The forest was before me and I had been lamenting having no trees.These little boys had so much more of me than my older children. There definitely were things they were not getting to do, places they didn't get to go but they had my undivided, unconditional attention because I couldn't DO anything else!

Now that I can do a bit more, I choose not to DO too much, GO so much, get so much DONE. I see that efficiency may not be such a great thing all the time. Sitting, talking, laughing, listening, sharing is what I have to offer now. It's different but it's awesome. I still at times, long for the days running around being efficient, but I now do not have to regret not spending quantity or quality time not only with my youngest 3 sons but with the older kids as well. I have time to listen to their very important adult problems, struggles, achievements and bad jokes. I concentrate and stop everything to give these older guys unconditional attention. It can be exhausting but is ALWAYS worth it.

This revelation has also taught me that unconditional attention is one of the greatest gifts one can give. Whether it's my children or my husband , a friend or even the checker at the grocery store. Giving unconditional attention to anyone matters and boy do people notice. Our society is so stinkin' fast paced now, that giving a bit of decent attention is a real...well...attention getter!  I can see someone's demeanor change when I just take the time to really listen or ask a question..... stop and pay attention.

We can all feel when we do not have someone's attention...right?  Let's make it unconditional and we all benefit.

This goes for my relationship with God too. 
It is a struggle to give Him unconditional attention. 
Unconditional.
Rough word. 
Just being with God. 
No "conditions". 

I have fallen in love with this wonderful phrase. I have always tried to pay attention to people but the additional word, unconditional, is just something special.

Thank you Hands Free Mama

~Blessings~
Lisa