Standing Out.....by Katheryn Cordes

We get a lot of attention when we are out in public. Not an outing goes by without at least one comment on our family. I know we are visually striking: Caucasian parents, three African American kids ages 4 and under. I'm sure my kids being stinkin' cute doesn't help matters either . . . or maybe its the fact that they like to be heard as well as seen. What ever it is, we stand out. 

Growing up as the eldest of 12, I am no stranger to comments. My mom was consistently asked....

"Are they all yours???" 

"Are you done yet?"

and

 "Are you going to have MORE??" 

My mom always answered charitably and kindly, and because of that, it never bothered me. I was proud of my many siblings. Even though we only have three kids so far, I get my fill of comments too. I get all the adoption classics and then some:

 "Are you their real parents?" 

"Where did you get them from?" 

"Are they sisters?" 

"No, but are they REAL sisters?" 

"Did they cost a lot of money?" 

"What happened to her real mom?" 

"Are they adopted?" 

"Do you put makeup on their skin to make it dark?"

 Or my personal-not-so-favorite, "Is he (pointing secretly to Matt with a knowing look) the dad?" 

People are curious.
They want to make sense of an image that does not make sense.
Getting these comments didn't bother me when the kids were younger. I knew people meant well and offensive comments were usually just made out of ignorance. I am having a harder time with it now that my girls are getting older and are very aware of the comments we get.

The children of course know that they are adopted. We have talked about it openly from day one. But when their adoption and differences from us is the one thing pointed out over and over everywhere we go, it bothers me because I do not want that to be the thing they define themselves by. 

Yes, they were adopted.

 It is an important part of them that we honor and hold dear. 

But that is not all they are.

 Take my gorgeous son. Yes, he is adopted. Yes, he has very dark skin. Yes, you cannot believe he is from Michigan because he looks so ethnic he just MUST be from Ethiopia. 

But my son is also....

 curious

 charming

 intelligent

 a chatterbox

 with big opinions that

 he loves expressing

 and the biggest sweetheart who loves kissing his Momma. My children are so much more than where they came from. 

The most interesting thing about them is not the circumstances of their birth. 

I have come to realize that while I can't control the comments people make in front of my kids, I can control the response I give. My kids will watch me smile and beam with pride. They will see that I am comfortable with our differences and talking about them. They will hear me affirm that I am their real mom, that they are sisters, that we are their parents, that we love them and are blessed by them. They will hear that I find fulfillment in being their mom and that there is no where else I would rather be. That will mean so much more to them than what a stranger notices. 

The other day I realized that maybe there is more to this adoption curiosity than meets the eye. Maybe adoption is more tied to integral identity than I had realized. No, my children do not get their identity from the fact that they were adopted by us. But they do get it from the fact that they were adopted by God, just like you and me. God is their Father, and that is their beginning, end, and daily middle. That is where they will find the heart of their significance, their purpose and the sum of who they are. Who their biological parents are is a part of that. Who their adoptive parents are is a part of that. But who their Father is - IS that.

Now that is an image that does not make sense. That the Creator of the world would seek us, choose us, want us to be His sons and daughters. 

That stands out.

Katheryn Cordes is a guest blogger and has written here before. She is the stay~at~home mother of 3 beautiful children and wife of Matthew Cordes. Katheryn is a graduate of Thomas Aquinas College in California and is an accomplished artist in Iconography.