The Dignity of a Child

Dignity, it belongs to everyone.  There are a 101 posts that are waiting to be written on this but one stands out for me this week.

The other night I was on the phone with a friend. He was sharing (in a friendly way) how when one of our children had not done exactly as they were told and inconvenienced another, had he been the parent, he would have jumped down their throat and gave them the "what-to".  He said he would have told them to get themselves out to that car and sit there.  Punishment.  Then, with anger, they would be made to see the error in their ways by letting them know how awful they acted. Humiliation.

That they may have deserved something of this sort didn't occur to me or my husband.  The perpetrator knew they were wrong because of how I made a phone call. The tone, the words carefully measured.  I told the friend I didn't need to yell, threaten or embarrass the child because their own guilt was obvious. That they didn't listen or pretended not to, that they ignored someone had taken the time to drive over and was waiting for them to take them home, that the time limit was grossly ignored.  These facts were well known by the person, why would Ed or I have to rub them in their face?  It serves no purpose but to drive them to anger and possibly words and thoughts that were not there to begin with.  It doesn't disciple, hence, discipline, so it has no place.

It won't happen again. They were apologetic. Discipline done.  Move on.

Now, are there events or behavior that are really disturbing or that the child is defiantly defending that may elicit a more, shall we say, serious talk? With anger and great disappointment apparent, I have been on the receiving end of and I have delivered such talks.  They work.  But it should not be the norm, it should be rare so it is effective.

Dignity is something God gives to every person and it is precious and should be guarded by parents I believe. When some one's dignity is preserved they want to do better. They want to serve.  I have seen it for 26 years of parenting so I know this is so.  To ignore the dignity of a child regardless of age is seriously wrong. To say what would never be said to a friend or neighbor's child...is this appropriate?  Think about it...really think about it.  Do you deserve to be spoken to in a lesser way by your husband than he speaks to his fellow workers simply because you are related?  Interesting questions.

How about the inevitable August exasperated outbursts of, "I can't WAIT until they go back to school!"  "Thank goodness summer is almost over so they will be gone all day!".  This is said in grocery store lines, at the park, on the phone with the children standing right there listening.

Comparative scenario:  How about the husband speaking to a co worker on the phone about his wife," I cannot WAIT until she's outta here to go see her sister" or "It will be awesome when my wife starts working nights again so I can have some peace when I get home". 

Really? Really?  Do we not know that kids hear the way Mothers talk about them and wonder how important they are?  I know if I heard the comparative husband scenario in my home I'd be a little worried about the relationship. 

How do we speak to our children? 

How do we treat them?  Like our friends' children?

Do they KNOW they are the most important thing to us?  

Do they know we would move heaven and earth to help them? 

Do they think we speak well of them to others?

Dignity and a Dr. Seuss saying.....     "A person's a person no matter how small"

~Blessings~
     Lisa