Just SAY It....

I have been blessed by an introverted husband and 6 introverted children out of our 8. However, this presents a challenge for a gabby girl like myself.  It literally took me years to recognize that being happy was not, as I perceived, about talking and laughing all the time.

I had a very special friend, Mary, who was herself quite introverted. She taught me well, that allowing shy children to hang onto my leg while we went to visit would ensure that they let go much sooner than if I was incessantly telling them to go play with the other children, pushing them away from me.  She was always so good at giving advice without me realizing I was being instructed.  Well, her advice worked and I learned that to let them be themselves, as different from me as that was, made them more secure, more confident and led to more good times for them.

This lesson carried over to my husband.  I learned that the very situations that exhilarated me, caused him to be acutely stressed.  People are just too fun to me. All kinds of people from all kinds of places talking about all kinds of things......yippeee.  For him that meant too much noise, too many people at one time, too much effort at trying to talk to people he didn't even know. Stress.

I recently read an excellent book that I recommend highly to anyone who loves an introvert. And, by the way, an introvert is not necessarily shy according to the author. The book is called Quiet : The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking.  It's by Susan Cain and is meticulously researched.  I learned so much about my children, my husband and all people who are not extroverts.  It explains the strengths of introverts in a world that overly values extroverts or extrovert impostors.  Excellent read.

As to the title of this post....Just SAY It.  This is what I consistently want to say to the introverts in my life. However, it isn't that easy. My extroverted kids and I tend to say too much. The results many times requires an apology. The opposite is true in our family of introverts; at times they have much to say but do not. This causes problems as you might imagine. Feeling they are not heard, that their opinion is not respected, even anger as they push down what apparently needs to come out.  I, of course, could not even fathom this as I am a big mouth and love to talk to anyone.  I also find myself having to apologize not infrequently (although it's less and less as I age). Sometimes my words come out so fast they bypass my intellect completely. It's lame and I hate it. Sigh......   This is not a problem for most of my family. How nice for them.

However, feeling unable to say what one wants to say is equally frustrating.  We cope with this on a daily basis here and I try and teach my children that it is only in communication that they might hope to get what they need or want or to convey something meaningful.  Not an easy job folks.  It's like them asking me to be totally quiet for a week...won't happen for me. 

 

Introverts have many, many qualities that were highly valued in the 19th century. The book tells the unfortunate story of how 20th century society made introversion a pathology. It is terrible really. But, the book also gives great hope and understanding regarding this personality type and it is well worth the time to read it. If you love someone who is an introvert it will give you GREAT insight into how they think, what gives them energy, pleasure, stress and the riches inside those quiet exteriors.

~Blessings~

Lisa