It is relatively easy and somewhat cliche to be thankful on Thanksgiving or around this wonderful holiday and time of year, but how about when things are difficult, unfair perhaps? How about when we are persecuted for our religious views, our political views, our race, the size of our family, our choices or a disability? When things are just not fair, are we thankful? This is probably the hardest thing for human beings, we all yearn for FAIR.
We yearn for this not only because it is just and right but because at the root of all yearning is Christ who is all fair but we will not find the sort of fair-ness we yearn for until the next life. We can though, get closer than this yearning for fair-ness by getting closer to God through cultivating and exercising a thankful attitude at ALL times.
With the huge amount of "unfair" medical diagnosis' our family carries I have learned through these years to be thankful for so many things, many of them not deserving as such, the energy of "thankful." It began with my own health problems early on. I learned after first being sick 30 some years ago, that talking about it all the time, complaining, sighing and holding my head, didn't elicit what I wanted from anyone. It didn't cause them to want to help or say "What's wrong, do you need to talk about it?". I'm quite sure now, it caused the opposite effect, with folks not wanting to hear it. Even when we or a loved one is very sick, even when we have people who love us, even when we are normally a lovely person....even with all that, no one can hear negative medical mumbo jumbo for long without being worn out or wanting to run. This is just fact no matter how much they may love us.....it is not personal as personal as it may feel.
I am thankful I learned early this was not the way to cope. I am so thankful I learned this early because I had NO IDEA what was coming in the future with my wonderful children. I learned this from the Saints. I am a committed Catholic and a voracious reader. I devoured books on the Saints. These men and women who have gone before me with heroic virtue gave me the blue print for getting through the hardest things in life, namely watching children suffer and waiting in a surgical waiting room for the umpteenth time wondering if you will see them again. Saints. The perfect teachers of suffering and the value therein. Did I say value in suffering you say??? Ummmmm yes. Actually Yeah! If you can find anyone on the planet who has not or will not suffer you win the million dollars. Since I do not have a million dollars that means I am certain I am right....I love to be right. That's not very humble is it? I didn't claim to learn everything the Saints wanted to teach me....just suffering so far.
After years of hidden suffering, really, silent school for that is what it was......learning the ropes of how to suffer well, I graduated to watching my husband suffer then my children. Boy oh boy is that a whole other ballgame. Get the books out again. I learned more about God, more about what my religion taught about suffering; vast writings on how to do this well. I learned too, about people, about people's sinfulness amidst their good intentions, about how much Ed and I and our children could endure and still smile, be happy, and yes thankful. People ask me frequently how I do it. How do I run our 3-ring medical circus for years now and still remain happy. It's because it's what God wants for me and for them. It has greater meaning and there is a greater good for every difficult thing that happens. Even when my emotions tell me different....especially when my emotions tell me different. I must KNOW God has a greater good planned.
Maybe the value, the greater good in it, is for someone else who will see the suffering and learn. Maybe it's for others to learn to suffer because their cross is coming. Would we deny them this? When I know as fact, that God has allowed physical and/or mental suffering, when it is in concrete in my brain and deep in my heart, it just IS truth because God has allowed it. Period. Simple. Maybe not so simple.
I do though, ask for help. I ask God in the shower for grace to just get through that day only. I know I can do anything for 1 day, JUST ONE LORD. I don't get ahead of myself too often or I will be nuts. God calls me to today only and gives me the grace for today and it's problems. I can do anything for ONE DAY. Even be grateful when it doesn't look as if there is anything to be grateful about. WARNING: those every days have turned into years of experiencing and observing a great deal of physical suffering....and we are fine, really ! God wins.
There are too many awesome, beyond coincidental things that have happened over the years that show me all the good God does with our mess for me to doubt. I couldn't even write them all here, it would be a book. The thread through it all, is being thankful for the smallest things. Thankful for mistakes and screw ups even. It's believing people want the good for us in the medical world and then finding the good in them as people not just as physicians and nurses and receptionists. This has made a huge difference. We connect. We rarely complain about our doctors because we know our diseases are rare and many of the docs cannot possibly know all about them since they may see one or two cases in their career. We try to think outside of ourselves.
We try to be as understanding as a lovely warm grandma and as slick as foxes. For everything I try to be sweet about, my brain is also constantly making sure things are done correctly behind the scenes. I check and recheck things. I make sure tests are ordered properly with my cheerful little voice. I thank everyone I deal with even when they make a mistake. If we show up for a 1 hour test and it's 4 hours....no problem we always bring things to do...always. Then I promise a Frosty afterward! People make mistakes...often. I don't think I've ever had one whole day without a mistake so to get grumpy at some poor tech when the details are not quite right is fruitless and doesn't further anything for either of us. We have changed some one's day by NOT giving them a hard time. They are thankful right back when we say, "Don't worry about it, you were probably doing a million things. I'm just thankful you can get it done". We never get a jerk after we try and understand where that person is coming from. Many times we have another new medical friend.
Please don't misunderstand my words as being self centered and prideful. I write because I feel badly that we have so many friends in the medical world who get so angry and/or frustrated every time they deal with their specialists or techs or insurance company. There is always something to be thankful for even in the worst circumstances or God wouldn't allow it. So I try to take a breath and know God could change things by the movement of his little pinky...does he have a pinky....hmmmm have to think about that.
Even in pediatric ICU where we have literally spent months, we insist the kids say thank you for everything the nurse does for them even if it hurts. They will have these diseases forever and if they don't learn that these people are trying to help, they will be resentful and bitter. They must thank the folks who bring their food tray and the cleaning folks too. If Ed and I teach nothing else, these kids must learn to deal with their medical in a constructive way so they never think the world is about them because they are sick. So far everyone is doing well with it...whew. They see us shoot the bull with everyone who comes in the room, they see us laugh and get personal with these folks, that the doctors come in with a cup of coffee and sits down for a visit and it becomes a family because we have to be there so often. The kids have good memories about all their hospital visits believe it or not!! We create positive experiences amidst difficult medical conditions and take lots of pictures of smiles and they go back over them again and again. We also are very careful not to verbally abuse the people who take care of them. This undermines their trust.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is even in circumstances that you would think would be awful, they aren't when you know who's Boss and are thankful for ALL things that happen easy or hard, fair or unfair. It really is all in how you look at something. It's about recognizing expectations will make you miserable if they are in stone. God is not stone. He does not want us in stone. If we are, He has to use a jack hammer to get to our hearts. Ouch.
Make a commitment to be thankful every time you're ticked off. Find the one thing that is good, that is helpful, that is not terrible. I have practiced this through clenched teeth believe me. If you practice this over and over it happens naturally after awhile and life becomes much easier until we get to the next life where everything is fair and wonderful and deserving of our thankful spirit for eternity.
~Blessings~
Lisa
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