Why Our Kids Get 3 Gifts for Christmas...

This post has roamed around my head awhile because I don't want to use a million words and I have told this story a million times when asked why our children "only" get 3 gifts from Ed and I. I just have so much to say about it like I do everything...sorry folks I'm a wordy girl. I'll try hard to keep it as short as I can. There are many details that will get left out but here goes.

 It begins with both of us being raised in divorced families where our Moms made our Christmases wonderful, never lacking anything.  In my house this meant easily 10-15 presents to open on Christmas just from my Mom. It was lovely as a child but my Mother certainly did not make a lot of money and I still have to ask her how she did it. She worked very long hours and we for some years when I was small, were quite poor. I'm sure she went without. Thankfully things got much better for us as the years went by!

You know I am not sure where to even start. I am a frugal shopper so even way back when, when I only had a few children I started early. When I saw this or that on sale I would put it away for Christmas. It might be as little as a 2 or 3 dollar item I found on clearance so there was not a great deal of money spent at all. There were items that were bigger that the children wanted but nothing extravagant. I would be done with shopping and wrapped by Nov. 1 usually so Advent could be enjoyed without the stresses of shopping and wrapping. (Sort of silly after you read this whole thing). When we put the tree up, as was the case at my house as a child, there were around 15-ish gifts under the tree for each child and with a big family this was no small scene! Please remember some things were small and very inexpensive, still, it looked like a Norman Rockwell postcard except that Norman Rockwell painted during some very rough financial times in our history but it was quite beautiful! Because I was an only child of a Mom who worked very long hours, these scenes were so very, very important to me. All the Traditions of Christmas were/are.

By the time of the "revelation" we had 5 children and we had a lovely neighbor, Vinay, who was Hindu. She and her family had never experienced Christmas and she asked if she could help me and was all excited to help me "do" Christmas on Christmas Eve.  I absolutely loved her and we were like little kids waiting for that evening to do this together.

Christmas Eve was always spent with the Grandparents on both sides giving and receiving gifts.....lots of gifts. Again, this was just how things were done and we didn't think about it. When the wonderful night with family, eating, visiting and gift-giving was over, we literally put 2 huge bags (you know those black lawn and garbage bags) filled with gifts into the trunk of the car and headed home.

After we got some very excited kids into bed I headed over to get Vinay and put Midnight Mass on T.V. She was absolutely enthralled by the Pope and all that was going on with that. She was like a child, always excited about everything new since her family was not from the U.S. Her family was Hindu so I explained our Catholic/Christian customs and WHO this Baby was and why He came. She was genuinely so interested in everything. 

Then she was anxious to begin the more secular traditions of Christmas Eve.

Then the...revelations......began.

I took her upstairs to where the gifts were hidden and we started to take them down to the tree. We made trip after trip...after trip......after trip..........after trip. It was fun at first, then she seemed confused, then she was in shock that ALL OF THIS WAS JUST FOR OUR CHILDREN. 

I was seeing all of this through the eyes of someone who had never experienced Christmas. At all. Ever. Remember..... I had just explained what it all meant in the Christian Tradition.......Ugh.

 I was disgusted, I was sad, my eyes were wide open. And when she left I cried. How had I missed this?  How had I fallen into this trap when my faith meant so much to me, to us as a family? 

I am truly not saying anyone who buys for their children is wrong or in a trap. This is about our family and that we were doing this in excess...truly. It was ridiculous. We had pledged to live a simple life when we got married. When I saw this through someone's eyes who I had just explained my faith to, who had NO IDEA about Christmas and the Christian practice of it....it was so....well....distasteful...is all I can say. No Black Friday Sale, no buying 6 months ahead of time, no excuse mattered that night through her eyes.....it was stuff and the night was about our Baby King.

 Ed and I talked about it and decided we would talk to the children and kindly, explain it to them. They played with Vinay's daughter daily and knew their family well. We wanted to know what they thought about this. Our faith was a lived, daily thing and these kids knew it. We wanted their opinion.

Anyway, the next morning, I had to pretend to have fun and I did well even as deflated as I felt. When it was all done and paper was everywhere and they were calmer we told them what happened. No guilt on them, no, none of that. Their eyes though were wide open too, like mine were the night before. I don't even know now who's idea it was but the whole family came up with the idea that Baby Jesus got three gifts on His first Christmas, gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Why should they get more than He?

That's how we came to the Tradition in our home and it has stuck ever since. They get gifts from grandparents, friends, etc. They do not need more than 3 from us. We love our tradition and it has so much meaning because of Christ and His revelation to us even if the origin looked and was so terribly selfish. It was a very good lesson learned and it will be passed down for generations I hope. I hope it is also passed down that we were not spoiling our children those years ago, but that we just let it get out of control because we loved them and that's just what was done at the time where we lived and the families we lived in. We weren't paying attention. The lesson learned though is more valuable than anything we could ever purchase and the fun is that 

the story is told over and over and that is a Tradition in itself. 

~Blessings~

Lisa

This Mom Just Won't Quit part 1

This is not my title but one I read this morning. 

Home Schooling With A Limp

I say part 1 because this one is one will be having to do with school the next will be adjusting to not being perfect in life in general. A bit harder and raw.

It is one though that I know well and one I that means a great deal to me because I have beat myself up many a time. I have multiple health issues and have finally learned over the years to live with them after having been a 100 MPH gal.

Just last night a wrote an email to one of my daughter-in laws-to-be asking for ohhhhh probably 8 things I needed help with today. Good Gracious that would NEVER have happened 10 years ago. That would have been screaming defeat in my homeschool world and that would have been unacceptable. 

I was Super Woman you see...oh I knew God, I had great Faith and used it daily but I didn't NEED help....not really. I could do everything, I had the ability to do everything, I had the desire to do everything. God allowed me to go on my merry way thinking it was me, me, me all the way......

When I could no longer do everything and 100 MPH turned into a school zone of 25 MPH, and everything was now in slow motion, my sense of self was upside down. I had always believed that every person's worth was from God and just being born a child of God made them infinitely worthy.  But I now didn't feel that way about myself because I felt useless not doing anything or getting anything done. I then realized my worth had depended on what I was getting done not who I was......very dangerous indeed.  It was really a crisis of faith and a deep disappointment in myself as a Christian. A heavenly 2 x 4 had smacked me right on the head you might say.

I now saw in real time the value of those who were very sick, paralyzed, in rest homes, dying. It was a whole new world. To talk about it was one thing. To teach my children about the charity of loving those folks was one thing. To BE one of them....oh boy...THAT was a whole new ball game.

But today I write about homeschooling, running a home and having an illness or chronic physical problem.

I learned to let things go. I learned everything could not be perfect. I learned to combine subjects like history and literature. I read horizontally and we watched many documentaries and had discussions. I bought math programs that corrected themselves. Our schooling took on another dimension of togetherness it had not had before. It was different. At first it felt D-fficient because it wasn't as E-fficient. But I finally figured out it wasn't...it was just different and it was what God had planned and nothing I could have done would have changed this course. 

But what was wonderful...what IS wonderful is this next set of kids of my 8 gets MUCH more of my time because I cannot be running around like a crazy woman anymore. They have more attention, more of ME. The first 4 had my creativity and energy and youth but I was so BUSY. They had a different Mom. These last 4 have a very different Mom and it's finally okay. 

The first kids had all their food from scratch, nothing was from a box, everything was old fashioned and with a deliberateness I had missed as a child of divorced parents. I was living my vocation with everything I had and I loved it. Was it hard? Yup, but I treasured it and I was exhausted each day, falling into bed late and waking up to do it all over again. I depended on the Saints to keep me going and daily Mass and older Moms to bolster me up when dishes and toddlers and laundry threatened to drown me. I had had twins by this time you see and about 28 loads of laundry a week! But still I was happy because I knew I was doing what I was called to do. 

Then the cards fell and after many diagnosis' and surgeries (not only for myself but for many of the kids) I had to evaluate not trying to be perfect anymore. Imperfection was glaring me in the face. Not being what others needed me to be was crippling for me.

For the first time I made muffins and brownies out of a BOX....gasp.  

I used paper plates.....oh my GOSH. 

I scheduled days of the week where different kids made their specialty dinner.

I had older kids correcting their own work for some subjects.
I quit my homeschool group...there was no energy for it.

The kids always had chores but each took on more now.....mine...guilt.
I turned down invitations to many things.
My husband had to do the field trip type things and many of the errands after his full day's work

So many things changed.

And guess what...nothing terrible happened !

I had some adjusting in my Norman Rockwell mind and frankly it's ongoing and I still do. There are days I still grieve for the old days but God changed it all and it isn't up to me to know better than He. I feel blessed to have accomplished it at all having grown up a latch-key kid with one great parent. 

Guess what else happened?

My already imperfect, great kids became even more awesome....they can all cook, clean, and do everything I could do before I became sick because they HAD TO.  God is awesome....guess that's why He runs the world and I do not....OHHHH that's why.  Sometimes Mom's don't get around to teaching the kids things not because we don't want to but because we don't think of it. This mess I was in forced them into learning everything quickly because of necessity and because they loved me and saw suffering, they literally never complained. I'm not exaggerating, never. They learned to serve without complaint.....

How could I have ever really taught that ??  They learned it through love.

Back again to school.... Things would fall behind on my end but the kids kept going. Instead of always written tests we would have verbal ones so I would know where they were and know they had mastered the material. I combined subjects for the three younger boys and just had the older one do harder assignments. They could do the same subject matter and it made planning much easier.

When I test them with the standardized testing as is law here in my state...miraculously they are above grade level...what the heck....how did THAT happen when I am imperfect and things are not what they are supposed to be here in a perfect world? When I am not running the world?

 I suppose as the old saying goes,"There is more than one way to skin a cat".

We still use paper plates sometimes. Our lives will never go back to what they were pre-illness but I have times when I can do more so I do whip up things from scratch again and I love it. Those days are wonderful and I cherish them. When they whip my behind at the end of the day, I do not get mad or feel defeated anymore. I am profoundly thankful now because I know what it is not to be able to do those things for months on end. I remember doing dishes for the first time in months and being so happy and thankful just to stand at my kitchen sink and look out the window, then to load the dishwasher. It was so awesome. I never take it for granted anymore....ever.

Sometimes I do the kids' chores for them and they try to stop me. I tell them I like to give them a break when I'm able. They appreciate it so much and they don't like to see me work, but it feels wonderful and is such a blessing. It's why it's hard to see people complaining about working. Resting is not at all what it's cracked up to be folks :)

~Blessings~
Lisa

Changing the World Through Your Daily Duty

Think about your daily duty. Do you know what it is or has something else taken it's place?Are you happy? Do you feel a sense of peace and joy? Do you feel you are doing what you are meant to do?  This is not necessarily what you want to do but what you should be doing from the gut....not the same thing....at first. Until acceptance takes over. The world may be telling you one thing and your gut may be saying something totally different and you may not even understand and you may feel confused. Have you ever had that happen?
Listen to it ......the gut.

Daily Duty you ask? What's that?

I don't know if that's just a Catholic term or not but since I am a Catholic girl that's where I learned it. Daily duty is our daily vocation from God, what we DO each day that forms the rhythm of our life. I am a wife and mother so my primary daily duty is the care of my husband and family and all that goes with that. That is where I find my joy, peace and where I work out my salvation in this life. It isn't the only realm in which I do these things but it is the primary realm.

One of the things that sticks out in my mind regarding this and how simple yet big it is, is when I think of Mother Teresa. She had a call. Her call was not to pick up and care for thousands of dying people in the streets of Calcutta and then all over the world. It was to pick up one on that first day....and every day thereafter.

 It was doing her daily duty each day, one day at a time. 

This is how lives are changed. 

This is how families are changed.

This is how the world is changed.

It is my thought that people don't like the ordinariness of daily duty anymore. The mundane thought of daily duty over and over is just too boring. Years ago a week of work or chores took on a rhythm that played out over and over and over. This repetition had a security, a familiarity that was lovely. It is in the mundane, in simplicity that God can show us a person or situation that may need us or our attention and skills. In this God also shows us Himself.

Our work is where we interact with people, have challenges, meet goals, press ourselves to do more, be more. Hopefully push ourselves to be our best. I always hope, because I am a mother, that Moms out there consider their job a career because it is. We form the hearts and minds of our children. The future citizens of this country and of heaven. This is a high calling. In whatever work you do, be it at home or place of business or on a roof or underground, you are called to do your best whether you like your job or not. It isn't what you do it is how you do it.

There is a wonderful encyclical "On Human Work" written by Pope John Paul II that is fantastic.  He was a worker. That man worked his tail off and was the working man's pope. Working is a GOOD thing people....it is NOT something to get out of, not something to escape from, not something to look forward to getting away from constantly. This is the wrong attitude and it is so prevalent now. We have a society obsessed with playing 24 hours a day.

Playing is NOT a vocation, not a daily duty. This is a large part of the general unhappiness of our times.  Playing is a part of the daily rhythm of life, but it should not hold the importance it does in the times in which we live. It is rather silly.

When people walk around bemoaning that they cannot "find themselves" it is can often be  because they do not generally work hard at doing their daily duty. They muddle through, try to get it over with in order to get to the real business of playing. In working hard and well there are abundant opportunities to serve others which can lead one into seeing a path to something real and important. This is how God works.  He doesn't just drop notes out of the sky on what to do next in your life.  I wish!  He will present ways in which you can change people's lives or your own for the better in any number of ways. It is in our daily duty that God opens doors and shows us our path.

It is in our daily duty that we do good for others. When we are not endlessly entertaining ourselves we see the nuances in life, we see others in need. In fact today I had a batch of children at the grocery store (part of our daily duty) and we came across several elderly people in wheelchairs or scooters who needed help. Since I too was in a wheelchair this presented several teaching moments for me, kind, charitable moments for the kids and thankful moments for these old folks who many times are invisible in this fast paced, technological world. The kids helped them reach things and pick up products. I chatted with each of them for quite a while and we discussed several things, lamenting signs of the times and parting with a smile and a "Well, I guess we solved some of the problems of the world!" It was lovely. It could have been 1950, or 1850.  We connected because we were not on phones, we were not in a hurry and we recognized that in our daily duty God uses us for others. This has been a theme in our family since our children were little. It is part of our Catholic faith.

We have tried to teach our children it is in the small things in our daily duty that we change the world. St Therese is one of the most popular saints in the church because she says it is enough to do small things with great love because some of us cannot do great things. I am only a mommy of 8 children. I have no big, important job as an attorney in New York city, defending corporations. I am not Mother Teresa feeding thousands. I am not a clergyman bringing comfort to a church full of people. I am a nobody......but I am one person and God has given me a vocation to do something great for Him. It is my job to do whatever that job is with great love. No matter how small my job is, no matter how unimportant the world may think my job is, I am called to do it as well as I can and with the greatest amount of love I can muster....everyday.

This is daily duty.

If I do this. If I do this well. If I do this day in and day out, I will be happy, I will be joyful, I will be content. Period.

It doesn't matter how much money I make (or do not make). It doesn't matter what I wear. It doesn't matter where I live or what people think of what I do. If I do what God calls me to do I will be happy because I am fulfilling what I was born to do.

Life is short. People are important....money and stuff is not. Playing constantly is not. Working hard is a really good thing. Doing small things with great love is a really great thing and in small way I change the world.

~Blessings~
Lisa

Our Thankful Tree

I just got back from yet another surgery, this one being an emergency for my brain shunt and having to fly across country to NYC with 24 hours notice. We were able to do it so quickly because of the generous donated help of others. That's why there have been no posts. This post is important to me and I want your help to spread it around because I am feeling very blessed and thankful.

I am doing a post on just our Thankful Tree today because in the past it has been intertwined with my Fall posts. I think it's so special that I want it to stand on it's own. Everyone who comes into the house always comments on it or wants to join in so I really want to get the Tradition out there. It is so darn simple, inexpensive and a really special gift to give others.  

Because I think we are living in a time where the spirit or even habit of being thankful is a bit lacking, I am going to try and spread this all over the web and I hope you do too. I really am convinced being thankful, grateful, seeing things as a gift is one of the keys to happiness, so please share this in whatever way you can. Here goes....

1.  I get one of those Dollar Tree clear vases that has a bottom heavy base.

2. Also at the Dollar Tree or any craft store I get 2 bags of those nice little glass or real rocks.  You can make this as natural or fancy as you like (i.e silver painted stones or real stones)

 3.  For branches, look in your yard, take a walk and find some interesting looking ones or if you're looking for a high end look, any craft store has all kinds of branches to buy. 

  4. Snuggle as many as you think look good down into your vase filled with rocks.  Make sure the branches you get have little tiny arms coming out from the main stem so you have lots of places to hang the leaves. 

 5. Next, cut out of construction paper, yellow, red, orange and brown leaves large enough to write on.  Now punch holes in them at one end and tie a circle of gold or brown yarn. I leave a bit of tail on the ties as they look woodsy.  The kids really enjoy helping with this. 

  6.  I put a pretty bowl of blank leaves on the dining table next to the tree and a pen. 

 We invite guests to add to it too. On Thanksgiving everyone reads them. Of course no one waits until then, everyday everyone checks to see who wrote what (and in my home of 6 boys they have to give each other a hard time about what they write....I've been blessed with sons....sigh)!   Guests always go to the tree and start reading. It says a lot to see that kids and families are thankful. People just love it. It makes their day. We as a nation, a family, a couple, or as a person need to start being thankful again even if we have little or are going through hard times....there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for and this little tree reminds us of that.

Find variations of your own but MAKE ONE, you'll love it and it makes Thanksgiving and the whole month leading up to it very special.  It's also a lovely and easy gift to give especially to someone going through a rough time. Buy the few things needed which is only a couple dollars, do all the cutting and tying, get the branches in the vase and give it to a family to get started. 
Voila!



This picture does not do the tree justice and this was one of our more pitiful ones because of a hard medical year, but it really is lovely in person and you can make it beautiful!

This leaf shows one of the children who wrote Make~A~Wish! They write all of their doctor's names, their Grandparents, their favorite priests, that they have food and a house, for their Hotwheels cars, there are wonderful, warm things, funny things, crazy things. It's really fun.  I have kept every single leaf for every single year. I have them all they are priceless.

May you have a blessed and thankful November.

~Blessings~

Lisa