This is not my title but one I read this morning.
Home Schooling With A Limp
I say part 1 because this one is one will be having to do with school the next will be adjusting to not being perfect in life in general. A bit harder and raw.
I say part 1 because this one is one will be having to do with school the next will be adjusting to not being perfect in life in general. A bit harder and raw.
It is one though that I know well and one I that means a great deal to me because I have beat myself up many a time. I have multiple health issues and have finally learned over the years to live with them after having been a 100 MPH gal.
Just last night a wrote an email to one of my daughter-in laws-to-be asking for ohhhhh probably 8 things I needed help with today. Good Gracious that would NEVER have happened 10 years ago. That would have been screaming defeat in my homeschool world and that would have been unacceptable.
I was Super Woman you see...oh I knew God, I had great Faith and used it daily but I didn't NEED help....not really. I could do everything, I had the ability to do everything, I had the desire to do everything. God allowed me to go on my merry way thinking it was me, me, me all the way......
When I could no longer do everything and 100 MPH turned into a school zone of 25 MPH, and everything was now in slow motion, my sense of self was upside down. I had always believed that every person's worth was from God and just being born a child of God made them infinitely worthy. But I now didn't feel that way about myself because I felt useless not doing anything or getting anything done. I then realized my worth had depended on what I was getting done not who I was......very dangerous indeed. It was really a crisis of faith and a deep disappointment in myself as a Christian. A heavenly 2 x 4 had smacked me right on the head you might say.
I now saw in real time the value of those who were very sick, paralyzed, in rest homes, dying. It was a whole new world. To talk about it was one thing. To teach my children about the charity of loving those folks was one thing. To BE one of them....oh boy...THAT was a whole new ball game.
But today I write about homeschooling, running a home and having an illness or chronic physical problem.
I learned to let things go. I learned everything could not be perfect. I learned to combine subjects like history and literature. I read horizontally and we watched many documentaries and had discussions. I bought math programs that corrected themselves. Our schooling took on another dimension of togetherness it had not had before. It was different. At first it felt D-fficient because it wasn't as E-fficient. But I finally figured out it wasn't...it was just different and it was what God had planned and nothing I could have done would have changed this course.
I learned to let things go. I learned everything could not be perfect. I learned to combine subjects like history and literature. I read horizontally and we watched many documentaries and had discussions. I bought math programs that corrected themselves. Our schooling took on another dimension of togetherness it had not had before. It was different. At first it felt D-fficient because it wasn't as E-fficient. But I finally figured out it wasn't...it was just different and it was what God had planned and nothing I could have done would have changed this course.
But what was wonderful...what IS wonderful is this next set of kids of my 8 gets MUCH more of my time because I cannot be running around like a crazy woman anymore. They have more attention, more of ME. The first 4 had my creativity and energy and youth but I was so BUSY. They had a different Mom. These last 4 have a very different Mom and it's finally okay.
The first kids had all their food from scratch, nothing was from a box, everything was old fashioned and with a deliberateness I had missed as a child of divorced parents. I was living my vocation with everything I had and I loved it. Was it hard? Yup, but I treasured it and I was exhausted each day, falling into bed late and waking up to do it all over again. I depended on the Saints to keep me going and daily Mass and older Moms to bolster me up when dishes and toddlers and laundry threatened to drown me. I had had twins by this time you see and about 28 loads of laundry a week! But still I was happy because I knew I was doing what I was called to do.
Then the cards fell and after many diagnosis' and surgeries (not only for myself but for many of the kids) I had to evaluate not trying to be perfect anymore. Imperfection was glaring me in the face. Not being what others needed me to be was crippling for me.
For the first time I made muffins and brownies out of a BOX....gasp.
I used paper plates.....oh my GOSH.
I scheduled days of the week where different kids made their specialty dinner.
I had older kids correcting their own work for some subjects.
I quit my homeschool group...there was no energy for it.
I quit my homeschool group...there was no energy for it.
The kids always had chores but each took on more now.....mine...guilt.
I turned down invitations to many things.
My husband had to do the field trip type things and many of the errands after his full day's work
I turned down invitations to many things.
My husband had to do the field trip type things and many of the errands after his full day's work
So many things changed.
And guess what...nothing terrible happened !
I had some adjusting in my Norman Rockwell mind and frankly it's ongoing and I still do. There are days I still grieve for the old days but God changed it all and it isn't up to me to know better than He. I feel blessed to have accomplished it at all having grown up a latch-key kid with one great parent.
Guess what else happened?
My already imperfect, great kids became even more awesome....they can all cook, clean, and do everything I could do before I became sick because they HAD TO. God is awesome....guess that's why He runs the world and I do not....OHHHH that's why. Sometimes Mom's don't get around to teaching the kids things not because we don't want to but because we don't think of it. This mess I was in forced them into learning everything quickly because of necessity and because they loved me and saw suffering, they literally never complained. I'm not exaggerating, never. They learned to serve without complaint.....
How could I have ever really taught that ?? They learned it through love.
Back again to school.... Things would fall behind on my end but the kids kept going. Instead of always written tests we would have verbal ones so I would know where they were and know they had mastered the material. I combined subjects for the three younger boys and just had the older one do harder assignments. They could do the same subject matter and it made planning much easier.
When I test them with the standardized testing as is law here in my state...miraculously they are above grade level...what the heck....how did THAT happen when I am imperfect and things are not what they are supposed to be here in a perfect world? When I am not running the world?
I suppose as the old saying goes,"There is more than one way to skin a cat".
We still use paper plates sometimes. Our lives will never go back to what they were pre-illness but I have times when I can do more so I do whip up things from scratch again and I love it. Those days are wonderful and I cherish them. When they whip my behind at the end of the day, I do not get mad or feel defeated anymore. I am profoundly thankful now because I know what it is not to be able to do those things for months on end. I remember doing dishes for the first time in months and being so happy and thankful just to stand at my kitchen sink and look out the window, then to load the dishwasher. It was so awesome. I never take it for granted anymore....ever.
Sometimes I do the kids' chores for them and they try to stop me. I tell them I like to give them a break when I'm able. They appreciate it so much and they don't like to see me work, but it feels wonderful and is such a blessing. It's why it's hard to see people complaining about working. Resting is not at all what it's cracked up to be folks :)
~Blessings~
Lisa
How could I have ever really taught that ?? They learned it through love.
Back again to school.... Things would fall behind on my end but the kids kept going. Instead of always written tests we would have verbal ones so I would know where they were and know they had mastered the material. I combined subjects for the three younger boys and just had the older one do harder assignments. They could do the same subject matter and it made planning much easier.
When I test them with the standardized testing as is law here in my state...miraculously they are above grade level...what the heck....how did THAT happen when I am imperfect and things are not what they are supposed to be here in a perfect world? When I am not running the world?
I suppose as the old saying goes,"There is more than one way to skin a cat".
We still use paper plates sometimes. Our lives will never go back to what they were pre-illness but I have times when I can do more so I do whip up things from scratch again and I love it. Those days are wonderful and I cherish them. When they whip my behind at the end of the day, I do not get mad or feel defeated anymore. I am profoundly thankful now because I know what it is not to be able to do those things for months on end. I remember doing dishes for the first time in months and being so happy and thankful just to stand at my kitchen sink and look out the window, then to load the dishwasher. It was so awesome. I never take it for granted anymore....ever.
Sometimes I do the kids' chores for them and they try to stop me. I tell them I like to give them a break when I'm able. They appreciate it so much and they don't like to see me work, but it feels wonderful and is such a blessing. It's why it's hard to see people complaining about working. Resting is not at all what it's cracked up to be folks :)
~Blessings~
Lisa
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