I am reminded
since we’re here in New York again, that we have a large family. It isn’t as if
the fact escapes me, but Ed and I are certainly used to the size of our brood. Whenever we are here in New York for a
medical trip, it surprises me again and again how well New Yorkers respond to
the size of our family. It is a real treat to hear over and over, ”Really, eight
children? You are certainly blessed” and they mean it. We get a far
better reaction here than anywhere on the west coast. This seems strange
considering the pace of New Yorkers. But we always notice too, New Yorkers tend
to be family oriented folks.
Ed and I wanted a
large family from the beginning. We are both from divorced homes, raised by
mothers who worked hard and raised us well. But we wanted something different
than the family of the 70’s we grew up in and we knew it would require real sacrifice
and hard work. We freely chose to give up material things so we could have a large
family. We knew we would do without sometimes
but it was worth it to us. We have been blessed abundantly with 8 living
children and 8 in heaven.
The noise, fights,
laughter, playing….all those things that come with a huge family are still so
wonder filled for me. I am an only child so it’s all like winning the lottery
in my mind. I still sometimes can’t believe I have this many children! It was a dream from the time I was little and
I have been blessed by it coming true. I
watch them often, hoping they appreciate each other and the size of their
family. We have never had any of them
say out loud they wished the family was smaller. In fact after we lost our last
baby girl, the kids were all devastated. Mike, 12 years old at the time, was
really hit hard by that loss and would say Rosaries and Novena’s asking God to
send us another baby. It was one of the most precious memories in my parenting.
Never in all the new pregnancy announcements to the kids, was anyone ever
unhappy, they were over-the-moon happy every
time. That is a blessing that nothing
can be compared to, especially since 6 of the children are boys.
I have recently witnessed
things I had no idea about since I was an only child. Our three oldest boys are
grown and in the last few years had grown apart going their separate ways,
after having been the 3 Musketeers their whole lives. It was a natural process I was told but I
wondered if they would ever be friends again. All of a sudden they are there
for one another during hard times. I don’t
always understand the sibling thing because I never had it, so it is quite
foreign to me. The fact that they had
grown apart was really hard for me but the sheer joy of watching them now
support one another is very special. They would groan if they heard that, but I’m
the Mom and I don’t care!
I have watched the
girls do the same. As the oldest grew and left home she and her sister were far
apart because of personality and age. However, in the last couple of years they
have found common ground on many things and both make a huge effort at a sister
relationship. It is so lovely to watch. Ed
and I are truly blessed. Blessed because it didn’t just happen, there is real effort
at family ties.
The one thing that
is painful for me as a parent is discovering that the family changes as it
grows and we are not the same family now that we were 10 years ago. I have not
experienced this since I was the only child in my family. This is particularly hard
for me because of the medical challenges I have. I feel I am not the same Mom I
was to the older ones and this just kills me. I went 100 miles an hour for years with always
a new baby or toddler in tow. I always had a new project going, could stay up ‘till
1AM and still be up at 5:30 AM for my walk, then homeschool the kids during the
day.
I am reminded by
friends however, that the younger boys have a Mom who is not quite so busy
because I cannot be physically, has more time with them than the older ones got
because there are no more new babies, and that nothing stays the same. Each
child is born into a different family than the one before them.
We once had a service
man at the house with his wife and they just marveled at the size of our family
and wanted to know what it took to make breakfast. I obliged, telling them that
it required 2 dozen eggs, a gallon of milk, 2 pounds of bacon, close to a loaf
of bread, and 2 cans of juice. They just
thought that was hilarious! That was at
the height of having everyone home. It was great!
Those days are not
so far gone as we still have 12 yr. old twins as the youngest, but they seem so
long ago now when everyone was at home and little. I have all good memories and
do not think about the things we didn’t have materially because we always had
enough. If any of the kids felt they didn’t have enough, no one has ever said
so. Even now the oldest ones who live in
their own homes get lonely for the family and drop in frequently. I love this.
Whenever someone’s car is having trouble, there is always someone to
call, always someone to help, no one in this family is ever alone. I love
this. If someone is down, another family
member is there to invite them to a movie, or out to dinner or ice cream. There is always someone to talk to or talk at as the boys frequently do ! Ribbing siblings is an art form in our home.
In our crazy medical circus the kids are
always there to help even with their own medical challenges. We frequently need
someone to drop so-and-so somewhere because I am up at Children’s hospital. I
have never heard a complaint about this. When anyone is down with a medical
problem someone is there to make a run to the store, make a milkshake for the
patient or get them a treat. On our
frequent medical trips the oldest take care of the younger ones while we’re
gone and if the younger ones are with us, the older keep the house going
perfectly. We are blessed. We do have
funny stories about, say, them having no toilet paper for days on end but we won’t
go there J.
In these years of
parenting a large brood, I learned more than I ever thought I could. I learned
to be organized, to know myself and nip anger or being overly tired in the bud
so as not to take things out on the kids. I learned patience and self control.
I learned to work hard on myself daily so I would be someone the kids might
learn good habits from. In short, I am a better person because I have a large family. I am certainly a work in progress
but the stakes are high when you have children watching your actions and words
constantly. Because of them I am a
calmer, kinder person.
Children are a gift
from God and ours were sent to us on loan to save our souls. Ed and I had to better ourselves for the sake of our children. A crowded nest certainly IS best!
~Blessings~
Lisa
